Sunday, June 17, 2007

The International Prototype

Back by popular demand is the How to be Smart segment of Invisible Inkblot. You can read this little missive and by the end of it, impress your friends at your next dinner party. Memorise and store the following sequence in your left breast dinner jacket pocket and be ready to pull it out at the next Young Liberal Party fundraiser at Kirribilli House.

Are you aware that an international search for a new kilogram is on? The old French one is disintegrating as we speak, and may now only weigh 996.314159265 grams. Ce n'est pas possible! I hear you cry - how can I possibly ask for un kilo de pomme si vous plait next time I'm at a French market if the International Prototype for the kilo is falling foul of the air and elements. I knew égalité, liberté, fraternité was a front. They've been ripping us off with their fancy euro, soft cheeses and dodgy scales for years!

Lucky then some Aussie scientists from the Australian National Measuring Institute are inventing a new kilo. Before anyone accuses me of making this up, this is a real institute, where breakthroughs in Australian measurement have been made (like reinventing the metre) and young prepubescent boys can line up on a Friday afternoon and get themselves checked out before uploading their profile onto Bebo or MySpace.

Personally, the recipe for jam in the Country Women's Association cook book where it says "place a kilo of sugar into a heavy based saucepan" has always done me fine.

In short, Aussie scientists are "...doing everything to really create a perfect object. It's not only near-perfect in roundness, but also the crystal purity, the atomic species and so on" create the perfect spherical kilogram.

I don't know about you, but I marvel at scientists. Being the bachelor of art type, science alludes me, and I have been known to impress friends by simply saying, "y'know how if you drop your toast and it lands vegemite side down, well, that's science".

Go Australia go! Get that kilogram and those French sorted out!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You've made that figure up for the prototype kilo, first by the gagular juxtaposition of a 6 and a 9, and then writing in the first several digits of pi (probably in crayon:) djk