Tuesday, May 27, 2008

10mm hexagonal key for nuts

Yes, that's right, if you buy the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife you will be able try the 10mm hexagonal key for nuts - a most handy device for when you want to tighten your bike spokes. You can then take your newly tightened bike for a wee ride in the bush, where you may require the useful double-cut wood saw with ruler in inches and centimetres to cut away those nasty fallen branches covering the bike paths. Once you've finished sawing, you'll need to replenish your tired body with a bevvy and a cuban cigar - just as well the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife comes complete with bottle opener and cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges! It's time to throw away your old Victoria Knox with it's pissy knife, bottle opener and scissors and invest in a Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife.

Ever wanted to keep a laser pointer in your pocket as well as a shortix laboratory key,
telescopic pointer, fish scaler, hook disgorger, laser pointer with 300 ft range and a golf shoe spike wrench? Well now you can with the amazing Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife!

For those romantic forest hikes, you can impress your lady friend by making her a gem stone ring enroute! It's easy with the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife. With your handy mineral crystal magnifier with precision screw driver, micro scraper - straight, micro scraper - curved and the recently patented
spring-loaded, locking flat nose-nose pliers with wire cutter, you can eradicate your feelings of commitment phobia and ask her to marry you with your hand made quartz ring! She won't want anyone else!

And you don't want any other pocket knife. You can have all this for the amazing price of
£499.95! That's like less than £7 million!!! What a bargain!

And if you buy this now, you can get the incredible wet dry Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife carry case by clicking here!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

If Troy Buswell was a teacher....

Would he use this sticker?

Best opening sentence

"THE destabilisation of Western Australia's chair-sniffing Liberal leader Troy Buswell intensified yesterday when he was forced to deny a rumour peddled by his own MPs that he mistreated a quokka, a small furry marsupial native to Rottnest Island".
Poor old Buswell. A sad state of affairs in WA that he's the best the Libs have got.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The Yoof of Today

There were some gremlins in this but it's fixed now.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


That's where I've been for the past wee while. I've brought home some 1973 Burgundy wine and lots of champagne. A tres fab 'oliday that included Mamma et Pappa and the trois J's - Jamie, Jeannie et Jasper. I'll write more later - this is just to let you know that I am still alive and did not get sucked into the travelers' vortex that is Beauvais Airport, the worst airport in Europe.

In the meantime, please enjoy the Dolmio pasta sauce adverts that have been dubbed for Glasgwegian tastes.....

PS - Grannie is unfortunately in hospital so I sent her some flowers today along with a note:

Dear Grannie
I heard you cracked your vertebrae
Hope these flowers make your day
Love Alison

This was read over the phone at work, which included instructions such as:
"Alison with one L".
That's Grannie with an IE not a Y.
"No, that was one L not two." and
"No, the L is in Alison. A.L.I.S.O.N. Grannie doesn't have an L."
much to the amusement of my work colleagues.