The She-Wee and other Glorious Inventions

It's festival time in Europe and that can only mean one thing: standing in a long line next to half cut chicks waiting for your turn at the stinky port-a-loo. Frankly, going to the dunny in a port-a-loo at music festivals is only marginally better than listening to Mika, but I guess when both acts are finished, there is a major sense of relief. Which is why I have invested in a She-Wee, my very own detachable penis. That's right - nothing is sacred in the noughties - chicks are now weeing standing up.

You will now find female urinals at festivals and once you've put in a few pennies to Water Aid, you join your fellow wymmin to have a crack at not showing it. No more sticking yer arse to the wind and hoping that your shoes won't get wet - you just wave the magic peni towards the sink and once you've got over doing the opposite of which nature intended, you can trot past the long line at the port-a-loo with your She-Wee tucked magically away in your back pocket.

Not content with a penis in your pocket, the discerning festival going chick will also have designer wellington boots on her feet. Being summer means lots and lots and lots of torrential rain, so it's the fashion to have fancy boots. I choose to wear Chooka boots imported from the USA for those of us with narrow feet. Oh it's a cruel god that gives you narrow feet and fat thighs.....
Rock Ness next weekend and Glastonbury in three weeks time. A mix of old timers like Neil Diamond and Leonard Cohen (was pleased to see he was still alive actually) and some new bands like the Ting Tings and Cut Copy.

I'm excited!