invisible inkblot

Alison tries to book a hotel room in Miami....

2011-11-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

Now you know I don't write much anymore, but this needed to be shared....

Miami Marriott Hotel: So, where are you phoning from?
Me: France.
Miami Marriot Hotel: Oh ok, so is that like in Italy?
Me: er...No. It's in France.
Miami Marriott Hotel: Oh, ok, I thought France was in Italy.
Me: No, France is France. Italy is a different country. Although Italy did try and make France Italy during WW2.
Miami Marriott Hotel: You're confusing me now. So are you in Italy or France?
Me: France.

Saint Mary found in penne arrabiata

2010-10-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

Bamako, Mali

An Australian woman has claimed to have found an image of Saint Mary MacKillop in the leftover sauce of her penne arrabiata, just after the official canonisation of Australia's first saint.

This afternoon Mary MacKillop was canonised in a special mass at St Peter's Basilica in front of 8000 pilgrims.

Alison Bunting was visiting Mali for a conference and ordered room service, where she chose the penne arrabiata, along with a tropical fruit salad for dessert.

"I just could not believe it", she said. "When I ate the last penne, there was an image of Saint Mary in the tomato sauce. I knew immediately it was her because of the time difference. It's late afternoon in Rome and I knew she was being canonised as I ate my lunch."

The image was not able to be verified by a second person.

"I took a photo with my phone and ran down the hotel corridor hoping to find someone who would attest to the miracle appearing on my plate. But nobody knew who she was or that she was being canonised.

"By the time I came back, the image had gone. Instead it looked like Chris Mainwaring.

"I am certain she visited me in my hotel room because my middle name is Mary and because I am a feminist and she went and told Pope Pius he could go shove it if he thought she was going to be told what to do by him and also because she knows I like tomato-based pasta".

When asked if she enjoyed her penne arrabiata, Ms Bunting said that "it could have been a bit more spicy and the bread served with it was wafer thin".

Some pics from our adventures....

2009-03-17T02:52:00.000-07:00

Follow the links and you will find some pics from our adventures in Germany over the new year period. It was baltic!! I love the fact that the history of 20th century Europe is contained in one city - Berlin. Go there if you haven't been already. That's an order!!

Berlin and A Berlin Wall

'Allo 'Allo.....Oui are moving to Paris

2009-02-20T02:25:00.000-08:00

Oui, il est excitement! Bill Gates somehow got Jock's email and offered him a job with Microsoft in tres romantique Paris. Et moi? I am going to habite a Paris avec Jock and will become a lady who dejeuners for the time being. I will most likely étude a CELTA course in teaching the French business fraternité how to speak propa English.

I do recall my folks sitting me down, âgé 14 ans, at the proper dining table (not the kitchen table, thus meaning BUSINESS) to inform me that I would regret not continuing mes études de Français. I have to say, that a la mode, I did not see the point (please pronounce this pwau in the context of une petite vignette) in continuing a language belonging to a country on the other side of the planet. Ah, mais non! my parents cried....There are so many other countries in the world that speak French, said Maman....You will need French to do the Times crossword and understand high brow political cartoons, explained Papa. Comme çi comme ça said I, with a resolute shrug of the shoulders and the facial expression of enfants terribles.

So now, 20 years later, Je ne regrette rien.... Non! Rien de rien... For I 'ave it on very gid authorité that I wid 'ave fergot-ten maste of it in eny cass. You can now catch me répétition vocabulaire de français from the iPod whilst trotting around Glasgow, much to the amusement of passers by.

So, in preparation for the road ahead, I am learning Français from these two gentlemen

Also, please enjoy le snippet de 'Allo 'Allo - no doubt how I shall parlez Français in Paris...

René: I would like to turn myself in

Officer Crabtree: Do you wash to confuss to a cream?

René: What? Oh, oh yes. Cream galore!

Crabtree: Do you wash to confuss to mordor?

René: No.

Crabtree: Minslatter?

René: No.

Crabtree: Biglary?

René: No.

Crabtree: Biglary woth minaces?

René: No.

Crabtree: Roop?

René: No.

Crabtree: Arson?

René: What is arson?

Crabtree: Setting fire to places.

Officer Crabtree: Good Moaning, I have come to arost your mither

Yvette: Arrest her mother, why?

Crabtree: She has been pissing fudged bank notes in the hot shop.

Edith: What does Crabtree say Vyette?

Yvette: I think he said "she has been passing forged bank notes in the hat shop.

Crabtree: Presoasly

René (Dressed like Fanny, doing a poor impression of her): Edith, remind him that he is supposed to be on our side.

Crabtree: Who is the ugly old bog in the bid with your mither?

Fanny: I have been asking the same question.

René (takes off his wig): It is I, Rene.

Crabtree: My Gid that was a god disgeese, I was complotely decieved by the wog.

René: Edith, give him 500 francs from the till and tell him to pass off.

Crabtree: There is no need to be rode.

COUNTDOWN The blog is restarting!

2009-02-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, the blog will be resuming its regularly scheduled program shortly, due mostly to popular demand. I have received so many emails from friends and family missing the Inivisible Inkblot's vignettes which do so much to enhancing one's experiences of procrastination.

So stay tuned! It's the final countdown!

Triptych Reflections

2008-08-06T01:08:00.000-07:00

I am having to rethink the blog - not because I've run out of things to say - far from it - but my new job as the official Red Cross schmoozer of parliamentarians means I have to be a bit more considered about issues I write about, particularly my whimsical and oft hip-shot political opines.

Speaking of which - isn't China going to be v. interesting over the next few weeks? How organised are the Tibetans? Or the people who have lost their homes in favour of grand olympic stadiums? The world is watching....I can't wait!

So, in the meantime, while I rethink this inky blot in cyberspace, please enjoy these three pics taken at the Glastonbury festival with my lomo. I have decided they are a triptych in the manner of fete galante and am thinking of entering them in the Glasto pic competition. It's called L'embarquement pour Glastonbury (if you click on the pic it will enlarge and you can look at it properly...) and was taken at sunrise on Sunday morning at the stone cirlce sacred space at Worthy Farm.

Dedicated to nephew Matt

2008-06-21T02:22:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Jude and Trev on the birth of Matthew James Thomas on May 31. Welcome to this wonderful world Matty! To celebrate, here's a fabulous sequel to Where the Hell is Matt? You can see the first video by clicking on the Travel Bug link on the left of the blog under Videos of the week.

What a deliciously simple idea by Matt that has taken YouTube by storm!!

The She-Wee and other Glorious Inventions

2008-06-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

It's festival time in Europe and that can only mean one thing: standing in a long line next to half cut chicks waiting for your turn at the stinky port-a-loo. Frankly, going to the dunny in a port-a-loo at music festivals is only marginally better than listening to Mika, but I guess when both acts are finished, there is a major sense of relief. Which is why I have invested in a She-Wee, my very own detachable penis. That's right - nothing is sacred in the noughties - chicks are now weeing standing up.

You will now find female urinals at festivals and once you've put in a few pennies to Water Aid, you join your fellow wymmin to have a crack at not showing it. No more sticking yer arse to the wind and hoping that your shoes won't get wet - you just wave the magic peni towards the sink and once you've got over doing the opposite of which nature intended, you can trot past the long line at the port-a-loo with your She-Wee tucked magically away in your back pocket.

Not content with a penis in your pocket, the discerning festival going chick will also have designer wellington boots on her feet. Being summer means lots and lots and lots of torrential rain, so it's the fashion to have fancy boots. I choose to wear Chooka boots imported from the USA for those of us with narrow feet. Oh it's a cruel god that gives you narrow feet and fat thighs.....
Rock Ness next weekend and Glastonbury in three weeks time. A mix of old timers like Neil Diamond and Leonard Cohen (was pleased to see he was still alive actually) and some new bands like the Ting Tings and Cut Copy.

I'm excited!

10mm hexagonal key for nuts

2008-05-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right, if you buy the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife you will be able try the 10mm hexagonal key for nuts - a most handy device for when you want to tighten your bike spokes. You can then take your newly tightened bike for a wee ride in the bush, where you may require the useful double-cut wood saw with ruler in inches and centimetres to cut away those nasty fallen branches covering the bike paths. Once you've finished sawing, you'll need to replenish your tired body with a bevvy and a cuban cigar - just as well the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife comes complete with bottle opener and cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges! It's time to throw away your old Victoria Knox with it's pissy knife, bottle opener and scissors and invest in a Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife.

Ever wanted to keep a laser pointer in your pocket as well as a shortix laboratory key, telescopic pointer, fish scaler, hook disgorger, laser pointer with 300 ft range and a golf shoe spike wrench? Well now you can with the amazing Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife!

For those romantic forest hikes, you can impress your lady friend by making her a gem stone ring enroute! It's easy with the Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife. With your handy mineral crystal magnifier with precision screw driver, micro scraper - straight, micro scraper - curved and the recently patented spring-loaded, locking flat nose-nose pliers with wire cutter, you can eradicate your feelings of commitment phobia and ask her to marry you with your hand made quartz ring! She won't want anyone else!

And you don't want any other pocket knife. You can have all this for the amazing price of £499.95! That's like less than £7 million!!! What a bargain!

And if you buy this now, you can get the incredible wet dry Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife carry case by clicking here!

If Troy Buswell was a teacher....

2008-05-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

Would he use this sticker?

Best opening sentence:

"THE destabilisation of Western Australia's chair-sniffing Liberal leader Troy Buswell intensified yesterday when he was forced to deny a rumour peddled by his own MPs that he mistreated a quokka, a small furry marsupial native to Rottnest Island".
Poor old Buswell. A sad state of affairs in WA that he's the best the Libs have got.

The Yoof of Today

2008-05-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

There were some gremlins in this but it's fixed now.

France

2008-05-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

That's where I've been for the past wee while. I've brought home some 1973 Burgundy wine and lots of champagne. A tres fab 'oliday that included Mamma et Pappa and the trois J's - Jamie, Jeannie et Jasper. I'll write more later - this is just to let you know that I am still alive and did not get sucked into the travelers' vortex that is Beauvais Airport, the worst airport in Europe.

In the meantime, please enjoy the Dolmio pasta sauce adverts that have been dubbed for Glasgwegian tastes.....

PS - Grannie is unfortunately in hospital so I sent her some flowers today along with a note:

Dear Grannie
I heard you cracked your vertebrae
Hope these flowers make your day
Love Alison

This was read over the phone at work, which included instructions such as:
"V.E.R.T.E.B.R.A.E."
"Alison with one L".
That's Grannie with an IE not a Y.
"G.R.A.N.N.I.E."
"No, that was one L not two." and
"No, the L is in Alison. A.L.I.S.O.N. Grannie doesn't have an L."
much to the amusement of my work colleagues.

Remembering Remembrance

2008-04-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

There have been some memorable ANZAC day ceremonies in my life so I thought I'd share them, given that ANZAC day isn't very big in Glasgow. I think it is one of those days where, like Australia Day, I feel not at ease. On one hand, I'm incredibly sad that so many young men gave their lives for a stupid stupid war - senseless, wasteful, stupid. On the other, I dread the bogan element coming to the fore, flags draped and heads bowed in pseudo penitence unsuccessfully hiding blatant nationalism. I have gone to dawn services most years, although not recently because I've been overseas.

The Funniest Dawn Service:
Attending Dawn Service in Bunbury was always quite good because it was generally pretty relaxed. You could wake up at 5.45, be at the service for 6am and back in bed by 6.30. Unless there was a spontaneous street party which is what happened in 2002. After the Ode:

They shall not grow old, as we that are left to grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

came the one minute silence which in Bunbury was generally followed by the Last Post (most dawn ceremonies have a gun salute followed by the Reveille which traditionally woke the soldiers up, but Bunbury was too small for a gun salute for fear of ricochets or rednecks turning up with their own shotguns). Well, this minute silence went on forever. There was no Last Post until eventually someone hummed it through pursed lips. Bunbury's only bugler had been on a bender the night before and had slept in. None of the organisers had noticed he was missing. Somebody then started singing Waltzing Matilda and another crew took out some beers and that was it. Party in the park. The following year he slept in his uniform at a mate's house, with an alarm clock, a wake up call and a rooster.....

The smallest dawn service
Richard, Michael and I were in Manchester for Rich's bucks weekend in 2004. We had hired a convertible beetle and after driving around in London's taxi and bus zone with a blow up kangaroo in the back, we headed for Britain's birthplace of dance music (how ironic that we were driving a German car....). I knew we'd be up all night discotheque-ing on the 24th, so had arranged a surprise dawn service for my mates. As Rich's best man, I wanted to make it a weekend to remember, so I had packed a couple of ANZAC posters kindly donated by the Bunbury RSL (who were ecstatic that I was planning a DIY service) and a laminated poster of the Ode. On the way home, we stopped in a central park and much to the boys' amusement (and about 20 puzzled onlookers) we held an ANZAC service with the posters spread around us.

The hard-core dawn service
Some time in the eighties a bunch of friends who may have also been Venturer scouts decided it would be a good idea to ride from Applecross to Kings Park for the dawn service. At the age of 16, it was difficult enough getting up in normal hours, let alone stupid o'clock. And there was a strong easterly making the ride not very pleasant. And I think I ripped my scout uniform falling over when navigating the curly part of a footbridge.

The 13 step dawn service
It was a privilege to guard the memorial in Kings Park. Each Rover unit (scouts for people who don't grow up) had to nominate 4 people to do a half hour stint of marching around the memorial. Our unit always seemed to get 3am or 4am. The older we got, the more likely we were to go into Northbridge, party at a club, then rock up to do a swift clothing change that transformed us from nouveau ravers into para-military disciples. There are massive orange flood lights in each corner of the memorial and these are not pleasant to walk over because the light really does blind you. This, combined with trying to be sensible after a night on the town, in what was a sombre occasion marching around in circles for the state, does not bode well for a fun 30 minute walk. We worked out if you kept your eyes closed and counted thirteen steps, all you needed to do was turn sharply left and you wouldn't fall off.

The traffic light vigil
For some reason, we would guard the Mosman Park memorial on the corner of Stirling Highway and Leake St all night before the dawn service there. I think the idea was to have scouts milling around to stop hippy peacenik vandals. This vigil involved just 2 scouts standing next to the memorial in half hour stints holding a stave. There was a deli across the road with the time and temperature. We would watch the temperature go down throughout the night and woop each time it changed, laying bets over who would have the coldest stint. When you tired of wooping, you could lean over and push the "walk" button on the lights with your stave. We had great pleasure in pressing this button all night, causing cars to stop in the dead of night for no apparent reason. Sometimes we got yelled at....

Upon re-reading this entry, it would seem that there is my own bogan element to ANZAC day, but I prefer to think of it as a legacy of Aussie larrakin and mateship.....

Dessert Recipe: Poached Pears with Chilli and Balsamic

2008-04-14T11:28:00.001-07:00

Readers who loved the Lemon Something French Thingy on a previous blog entry are in for a treat! Back by popular demand, it's Recipe of the Week and this week I'm pleased to present this pear recipe I prepared for a pair of parents - mine to be precise. Mamma et Pappa arrived yesterday and so, being the foodies that they are, I had to impress them with my culinary skills.

This recipe is invented by me. I am laying claim to it, so bugger off Nigella.

Poached Pears with Chilli and Balsamic
Serves 4

4 pears, or two pairs of pears, pared. I chose Conference Pears because they are long and slender and elegant.
Cranberry juice
Sugar
Balsamic vinegar
birds eye chilli (red)
marscarpone

You'll notice that I haven't given any measurements. The correct measurement for all ingredients in this recipe is a bung.

Get a birds eye red chilli (I keep mine in the freezer and then bung it in some hot water to unfreeze it). You need to be careful here because you don't want your dessert to turn into a curry. I just got a pair of kitchen scissors and cut about a third of the chilli into tiny pieces and bunged them straight into the pan, sans seeds. Under no circumstances should you use sweet chilli sauce or cheat's chilli. That would be rank.

Carefully place the pears on their sides in the pan and bung in some cranberry juice. This bung would go halfway up the pear shaped bit of the pear.

Next, bung in some balsamic - not too much, it ain't chish and fips. Bung in some sugar (caster if poss.) and put the lid on the pan and give it a bit of a shake. I poured some of the juice over the pears so the top bits wouldn't miss out. Taste the juice just to make sure you haven't fucked it up. Too much chilli and it's a curry, too little and what's the point.....With it on a low heat, walk away and go and have your main course, which you should have prepared earlier.

When you're half way through your dinner and the conversation has turned to the political situation in Tibet, check on the pears. That way you won't look stupid if you can't contribute to the conversation.

Go back and change the subject, and don't forget to check on the pears again at some point.

When you reckon they're ready, dish the pears into bowls. If there's too much juice, put the heat up high and reduce it.

Serve with marscarpone cheese (try and find good quality marscarpone). I added a few rasberries as well. The sourness of the chilli and balsamic goes beautifully with the sweetness of the pear.

I used the remainder of the chilli the next day to make honey soy chilli prawns with bok choi.

Disclaimer:
1) picture not actually my pear.
2) may contain nuts

The Black Watch

2008-04-13T00:40:00.001-07:00

As Jock and I don't have a telly, we've decided to see more theatre this year. There are times when you are so moved by a piece of theatre that the experience will stay with you for a long time. One of those times was when I saw Orpheus in the Underwold at His Maj in Perth about a hundred years ago and the other was being privileged enough to see The Black Watch in Glasgow on Friday night.

If you ever have the chance to see this inspiring play by Gregory Burke, then you are in for a treat. The production is cleaver and slick, with the central prop being a pool table that doubles as an army vehicle. You can feel the exhaustion of 8 men crammed into it sweating out their dispair on a 50 degree day.

The production and script is what makes this political play one that will be done over and over again. The script is deeply funny and dark. However, some of the most powerful and poignant lines are delivered in sign language, when the soldiers receive their letters from home. Each stands on his own, reading messages that loved ones can often only say in written words.

One hilarious scene involves a new soldier being told about the importance of a piece of blank paper to a soldier's kit. He remains unconvinced, until this piece of paper is waved at the seargent major as a "get out of jail" free card.

The desert storm fatigues and their colours are dominant, with the only other colour being red - red carpet, red pool table and the red hackle in their tam-o-shanters.

I have never seen a play like it. A fabulous fabulous piece of theatre.

PS - if you want to see a lovely film and one that you can take your mum to, try Son of Rambow.

The Elephant in the Room

2008-04-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

John Howard would never have stood up in front of a group of Chinese students in Beijing and said that human rights in Tibet was a concern for Australians. Good on Chairman Rudd! Although he did borrow the whole "it's okay for friends to disagree sometimes" line from Howard when the very predictable Chinese Government Spokesperson responded by saying that Rudd didn't know what he was talking about. I'm sure they'll quickly forget once they start playing Chinese Whispers over owning a stake in BHP Billiton.

Glad Australia has a PM who can speak Mandarin. I think it is right for him to tell China that Australians are concerned about human rights. I wonder what the athletes from the Olympic movement think about the protests over the torch relay? If you go on to you tube it has been flooded with comments from Chinese students banging on about King Gesar and that we shouldn't be fooled by that terrible man, the Deli Lamb Burger.

In other news just to hand:

we're off to see the play Black Watch on the weekend which I am very much looking forward to
I subscribe to poem of the week and today they sent me one called "Impatience" that was so long, I didn't bother reading it
today I went up to Inverness to discuss Scotland's Climate Change Bill. There is snow in the hills and it's April. This time last year it was 20 degrees. You know it doesn't make sense; we're all doomed
on the up side though, there were no midgies

Stupid

2008-04-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

Things that are stupid:
Morrisons
The way Morrisons packages its bananas. I bought one just to take a photo and post it here. Disgraceful - global warming? climate change? landfill? birds eating plastic? Doesn't happen in Partick.....You can email the CEO of Morrisons with your fury by clicking here.
I used the Investor Services site, because we are all invested in our future. Copy and paste this into your email:

Dear Sir Ken Morrison
I am disturbed by the level of excessive packaging for your bananas. Bananas already have their own protective skin and do not need another. I would like to invest in the future of the planet but do not wish to invest in your company whilst you continue to have this ridiculous policy.
Regards, Your Name Goes Here

eBayers
See the pic - somebody bought a Sony Play Station box for two hundred bucks!!

Kilt wearers
How embarrassed would you be....Here on my right is Lieutentant Seargent Captain Major and his boys....

Players

2008-03-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in writing again....it's been a very hectic and stressful time. So, this entry is dedicated to.. Players - those amazing, innovative and oft funny people who entertain us. I find it is the not so famous players that I have the best and most memorable experiences.

We were fortunate enough to catch Nouvelle Vague, a French act in Perth on the evening of Jock's dad's funeral. French women always seem to be able to pull off being saucy and sexy without being slutty. This band does versions of '80s alternative hits like The Specials and The Dead Kennedy's. During Too Drunk to Fuck by the Kennedy's - one of Jock's favourite songs and something he kept threatening to have as the bridal waltz - one of the singers came down into the crowd and handed Jock a wee dram...how serendipitous given the day. Here is Nouvelle Vague doing Blue Monday by New Order - one of my favourite songs:

I love that French voice - Ah see a sheip in ze 'arbour... These players were the perfect end to Jock's dad's day.....

Inevitably, one always turns to the little screen of delight in the back of the seat in front of you during the monotonous and wearisome plane trip home. It is here that I am even more thankful for the players who prevent you from slipping into wrist-slitting tedium. I chose Singing in the Rain. I happen to think that Gene Kelly was out danced by Donald O'Connor in this movie. A favourite scene and surely one of the best of all time in any classic movie:

So I raise my glass to players, who you turn to when you're feeling glum or you want to chillout or just go absolutely burlesque...where would the world be without you? The famous, the not so famous and the just plain bizarre. I love how you can be anywhere in the world and just happen upon a player busking or in a small pub sharing their soul with you - like the time Mike and I were in Edinburgh for hogmanay and there was a group of drummers in the midst of a million new year revelers - drumming into new year when the fireworks went off over the castle - they made our night.

Here then, in no particular order, are youtubes of some players whom I admire, or have seen live, or have watched on the box. Enjoy.

Tim Minchin - funny singer and all round entertainer (it was difficult to chose which vid...)
Flight of the Conchords - hahahahahahaha - it's business time!
Billy Bragg- all you need is a guitar
The Waifs - still in London...
Pendulum - my favourite band and the boys from Perth are just getting bigger and bigger
Adam Hills - a Scottish flavour to this clip
Burlesque dancers - here's Dita and an over-sized wine glass.
Waiting for Godot - in recognition that this is the most boring play on earth, so why then is it the play that you have watched over and over again??? Jock says he's seen it 5 times but has never paid to see it....Sculler says they should make a new version for the noughties - "waitingforgo.com"
Madonna - I saw this very act live. I can watch it over and over and over. Thanks to Benny and Bjorn....and the dancing at 3mins25sec HOT HOT HOT...not bad for a 50 year old.

John Paterson Meston 7 May 1934 - 23 February 2008

2008-02-25T05:06:00.000-08:00

Jock's father died on Saturday. He'd been in a coma for 8 days. We all marveled at the human body and what it can do to survive. It's a very sad time to be back in Australia, but it's mixed with relief, for John would not have wanted to live a life with no quality or purpose. It's all been a bit of a haze, because a few days ago we were in Glasgow in baltic weather conditions working and lining up far too long at the post office, and suddenly we were home in Australia in the heat and sea breeze.

Watching Jock's mum say good bye to her life partner was a beautiful thing....I hope Jock and I get the same privilege (although not any time soon....)

Today we ate succulent kangaroo on sticks whilst watching the sun set over the Fremantle harbour. Who could ask for anything more?

Pic - Jock's father, John Mesto , pictured (left) with John's brother Ross, (who died in 2007)

The Apology

2008-02-16T02:17:00.000-08:00

We listened live on Radio National to the Apology. It was very intense and I wished I was in Australia for this day. A fellow Aussie workmate (called Dave) and I were talking about it the next day and were surprised about the reaction from other colleagues. They were saying what a momentous thing it was and what a pleasure it was to see Australia doing and saying something right instead of sitting on the fence or tapping into the worst qualities of human nature.

Me mate Dave said that for us, the big thing that we remembered at school was the bicentennial. We were given commemorative coins and sang songs and drew pictures of Captain Cook. How fitting it is that this generation will remember the day Australia said sorry and began the process of reconciling the past. I'm still very angry about being taught rubbish history in school. We were never taught about the genocide, the removal of children and its consequences - only that Captain Phillip gave Aboriginal people presents such as blankets in swap for showing them where there was water.

Let's hope that some real gains can now be made in closing the gap between Aboriginal and non-Aboriginal Australian life expectancy and outcomes.

Rudd's speech was beautiful and eloquent. Dr Nelson's speech, and I'm not being partisan here, was disjointed and not thought through properly at all. He should not have personalised it, he should not have told Fay Cooper's story without permission, and using statements such as "Welfare without responsibility" was prevocative and chiding. I think Australians angered by this had every right to turn their backs or clap their hands. I had a friend who was on the lawn at Parliament House and said that this reaction was spontaneous, not predetermined because Nelson was part of the Howard cabinet.

I think it's great that workers were encouraged to participate, watch it live or come into work late that morning, school children watched it in assemblies and people gathered in small tin sheds in Broome to come together to celebrate this new beginning.

In other news...

I'm loving my job at the Red Cross - what a pleasure it is to work in a supportive environment with people passionate about their jobs. I'm off to London today to play with friends on the weekend and go to the British Red Cross UK office to meet my colleagues. I am a much happier person in my new job.

Dave by Mick - our trip to Florence

2008-01-22T00:58:00.000-08:00

We lovingly dubbed Michaelangelo's David Dave by Mick but that seemed slightly offensive once we actually stood in front of this imposing work. I expected it to be person sized, or Venus de Milo sized, but it was almost Leninesq in stature and for once in my life, I was speechless. The Galleria dell'Accademia was surprisingly quiet enabling us to marvel at our mate Dave for a good fifteen minutes before a noisy group of American history students ambled in. If you do wish to see the real Dave by Mick you can click on this link which will take you to shopping heaven, the Raptis Plaza in Surfers Paradise, where a life size replica of David takes pride of place between Hungry Jacks and a group of Emos wagging school.

Earlier in the day we visited the Uffizi Gallery where once again, we were mesmerised by Botticelli's Birth of Venus and the murals on the ceiling.

We were, however, somewhat bored of Ubiquitous Religious Painting by Some Bloke. There's only so much one can take after seeing painting after painting of the Madonna with Child, which is mostly painted in gaudy colours with the Jesus always looking slightly demonic. I think this is due to artists painting the nose of said saviour with an adult's bridge, rather than a cutesy little button. There was one such painting with a portrayal of John the Baptist piccolo bambino holding a cross gazing lovingly up at baby Jesus. Can someone who is more religious than I enlighten me if the Cross was used prior to the crucifixion of Christ (yes, aware of it as a symbol of man/woman in ancient pagan traditions) or whether Some Bloke was using artistic licence in this painting.

It seemed that this period of such hideous amounts of disposable cash drew upon the pious nature of the wealthy, where art was commissioned on a one upmanship basis of who had the biggest and most religious bed head commissioned by the more favoured artist ala mode.

Other highlights of our trip included the Leaning Tower of Pisa (a slightly dizzy ascent due to leaning nature), wandering around the narrow streets of Pisa and eating gelato.

You may remember I awarded Paris Beauvais Airport the worst airport in Europe. Pisa International is the best so far, as seen here in the picture by its mascot....and as Jock points out....if only they knew how to spell "chicken" correctly.....

You Spin Me Right Round Baby

2008-01-14T23:39:00.000-08:00

In politics, there's a number of ways to say to your good friends in the press that you're mounting a challenge against your beleaguered leader. One of those ways is to say "I'm mounting a leadership challenge". This is of course the quickest and most effective way, but rarely is it used.

Another way to say you're mounting a challenge is to take a leaf from the book of Member for Busso, Troy "I'm big in Japan" Buswell:

“I'll be saying to [Omedei] that there is an overwhelming view among the membership that we need to draw a line in the sand and move forward and as part of that process needs to be the calling of a party room meeting so that a variety of issues be discussed in the appropriate forum by the members of the Liberal Party here in WA,” Mr Buswell told reporters.

The Liberal Party in WA is a mess and has been since Richard Court departed. It reminds me of the time when Australia was doing so well in cricket the one day summer series was against itself; Australia A. Do we need a Labor A? Why could this bunch of navel gazing, infighting, policy vacuum school boys manage to hold it together for the Federal election? I don't get it.

In the meantime, please enjoy this somewhat apt video by Dead or Alive, You Spin Me Right Round.

Cat-tastic! A wig for all occasions!

2008-01-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

It's me and Jock's wedding anniversary tomorrow. Jock's never enjoyed buying presents, so being the girl who has everything, I directed him to Kitty Wigs where you can buy your cat a wig....

Meowandering down the catwalk is Cher, sporting a jazzy blue number, selling for just fifty bucks. She has teamed this wig with a lovely pastel flea collar. As you can see, Cher is gazing out the window, dreaming of butterflies and small birds learning how to fly for the first time.....

And now, pawing at her heels is Miss Piggy, the epitome of the slutty cheerleader wearing this wig, inspired by the Pink Ladies from Grease. She's up for anything! Actually, the website says "Pink is the color of fantasy. Our model, Chicken (for that is her name....), looks like her mind is elsewhere when she wears this wig -- somewhere in a land of cotton candy and pinwheels where the air smells like sugar kisses". I think it's more likely she's thinking somewhere in the a land of "are you fucking mental" where the air smells like "does your house have fifty cats living in it?"

It goes on:

"Please remember, Kitty Wigs should only be used with human supervision, and introduced slowly. The package also includes complete instructions for care, suggestions from professional photographers, and a mouse with rattle to help you direct Kitty's stunned gaze. When not in use, the wig should always be stored in its pawproof case".

Yep - Kitty is sure going to have a stunned gaze, probably followed by a hissing sound and a jab at your throat.

If you have any further questions about haute cature, please click here.

For old time's sake.....

2008-01-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

2007 - the year of the Facebook

2007-12-31T07:12:00.000-08:00

2007 will be remembered for the wettest Summer I have ever had. This didn't stop us dancin' in the mud at Glastonbury nor will it stop us from bringing in the bells for New Year tonight in Glasgow's George's Square with 50,000 other Glasgwegians.

Even though I live on the other side of the planet from most of my friends, Facebook has managed to connect me with long lost mates.

Today I spoke with childhood mates Gina Ascott-Evans and Fryth Bouzaid via Skype and a search on Facebook. They are both amazing mums with cute husbands! I've also found Simon Conran - a random mate that I met at 555 William St in '97 - and Brian O'Connor, a fellow Organising Works trainee. I also miraculously bumped into Siobhan Shannon, also of 555 William St fame at the airport heading to Dubai. We caught up with them in Ireland over Christmas.

So ain't social networking sites amazing! The internet has truly wonderful powers when used for good rather than evil.

I wish for 2008 to find peace in Sudan, Iraq and Afghanistan. I wish for Pakistan to have free and fair elections. I wish for world leaders to find real and lasting solutions to climate change that engage the community. I wish for my new niece or nephew to be born into a world with a positive future. So let's celebrate the leaders of tomorrow with this little montage of oor wee niece Hayley Charlotte.

Happy New Year to all - let's hope 08 is great mate!

Gold and Government Bonds are up....I can smell war in the air

2007-12-27T07:42:00.001-08:00

I'm saddened by the news that Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated. She took a risk in bringing herself out of self imposed exile to contest the long awaited democratic elections in Pakistan and she has paid the ultimate price. There were warning signs in October when she was nearly killed in the suicide attack, and in a country on the brink of civil war with that amount of political chaos, when a group of extremist say they will kill you, it's going to happen eventually. Surely there was no amount of security at a public rally that could have have saved her.

Bhutto was the first woman president of a Muslim country. She should be celebrated for being a pioneer of woman's rights, but she should also be remembered as someone whose opponents argued she came from a privileged class with questions over her previous reigns - nepotism, bribery and corruption.

Isn't it interesting that Australians still have not voted in a female prime minister? Sometimes you think a country is backward or "not civilised" * because of how they treat women but if you look in your own back yard, the two major parties have still not allowed a woman to become leader.

* I'll never forget Ross Lightfoot, Western Australian MP banging on about uncivilised nations and indiginous Australians. What does uncivilised mean anyway?? I think the captains of industry are mostly uncivilised.....that's another blog entry right there. Best shut up really....

Seriously, I do hope Pakistan doesn't degenerate into full scale civil war. That would be very very bad, especially for progress in Afghanistan.

And the bells rang out for Christmas Day....

2007-12-25T04:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas everyone. I'm missing my family, but my family by proxy, the Honans of Carrickfergus in Norn Iron (Nothern Ireland) are putting on a great Christmas show for me and Jock, who ate his Cadbury selection before breakfast.

I couldn't do it any better than this family from Churchlands, Perth....so enjoy - you'll need sound.

The election revisited....got the photos processed....

2007-12-23T13:08:00.001-08:00

1)Jock shows off his Kevin07 outside of the pub in London. What joy it was waking up early on a Saturday morning to wonder along a London road to find a sandwich board with Kevin Rudd on it. We knew it was going to be a good day.
2)Labor wins, the Libs lose the election. We drink the bar dry of cheap Australian sparkling so move on to the Veuve Clicquot.
3)Howard loses his seat.
4)Ali loses it......

Soccer, Football, Fitba'

2007-12-05T23:30:00.000-08:00

There are times when I will stroll down my street on a Saturday and things aren't quite right. No, it's not the fact that I may accidentally bump into life size Oompa Loompas for want of staring at these Posh-esq sunbedded, fake tanned women or because I'm marveling at the fact that in Scotland it is legal to throw Irn Bru cans on the street. It's because the Fitba' is on. Mostly it will be Rangers supporters going mad at midday, but occasionally you'll bump into a Celtic supporter or another football mad person of a different persuasion. There is an "air" about the place.

If it's before the game, there's folk drinking in the pubs, a huge line at the subway to get to Ibrox and old ladies have rightly remained inside till they can safely put their walking sticks to use and get their "messages" lout free.

If it's after, and Rangers have won, the street is a jubilant jolly carnivale, alive with grown blokes skipping around whilst they drink lager and smoke ootside.

However, a loss will prompt much gloomy standing around, with talk about sacking the manager or questions as to why some Spanish bloke didn't get imported for the match. Just this morning, I heard on the news that the Newcastle soccer team's manager has been saved from sacking because his team scored a gallant goal against Arsenal, leading to an exciting one-all draw.

This is what I don't understand about this game. Apart from the fact that it's boring and tedious and invariably a "good match" can be one where not a single spherical pig skinned straw filled object was put between two posts and a net, the chat and the money that underpins this game is as much scandalous as it is absurd. If there is chat on the radio, it's not about the skills of the players, it's about the money and the manager.

Such is the life of a fanatic, that currently, a ticket to the Rangers-Lyon match (don't ask - there is the UAFA cup, the Champion's League, the Winners of the Second Round Matches of the Nearly Champions League, the European Cup which Israel play in, the Eurovision Song Contest Soccer Cup....the list is endless and I don't understand) is selling for 200 quid on eBay. Madness.

Jock and I support Partick Thistle. It's not in actually in Partick. The team has a horrible bright yellow strip. I've never seen them play. I think they play in the first division, not the Scottish Premier League. I know nothing. But when people ask who I support out of Rangers and Celtic, I say Partick Thistle, immediately identifying myself as an atheist.

Cancer 'n' Stuff

2007-12-02T11:10:00.000-08:00

Cancer...

Is a turgid horrible bloody disease. My mum's had it twice and survived. Close friends have had it (and young friends - too young to get breast cancer, but both caught it early and are now in remission) and friends' parents have succumb to this disease . I was recently moved by Matt Price's death from brain tumours, so sudden and tragic. I felt like I knew him.

So, I've signed up for a long term research project in the UK where my health will be monitored over the next decade. It's called Breakthrough Generations and is going to involve more than 100,000 women in the UK.

Stuff....

It's been an interesting month. My ears have been glued to radio national every night at 8pm (7am Oz time) to listen to Fran and Tony Eastley discuss the election. I've been quietly confident that Labor would win the election, but now just feel a sense of relief and hope that Rudd and Julia "Super Ministry" Gillard can live up to expectations. It was excellent fun going down to London to catch up with ole comrades, but now it's time to stop gloating and get back to normal life....which is clouded in darkness now that winter is upon us and that can only mean one thing: enduring the UK's love for shit Christmas tunes over the muzac systems of shops. If you're not sure about my views on this subject, click here.

Lucky then we're going to a big concert next week - the Chemical Brothers, and the following week we're in Paris. I've never been to Paris with a lover before, so I'm looking forward to it, especially if I get to meet these folk sur la Métro

A Date With Jesus

2007-11-27T13:00:00.000-08:00

If you look closely, you can see him....

Man Flu gives you time to think

2007-11-26T09:12:00.000-08:00

I have man flu. Well, to be honest, I'm actually feeling very sick and sorry for myself and have been home from work today with headaches, a runny nose and Europe's most boring cough.

This wallowing in mud like a hapless water buffalo has given me time to plow through the federal election footage and comment on the web. It's interesting that in every state and territory bar South Australia and the ACT, the Labor premier has resigned (or died, RIP Jim Bacon) giving way for generational change half way through a term and allowing the electorate time to get to know the new leader before the next election. If only Howard had done the same, and the Lib's had elected Turnbull as their leader. I think things may have been very different.

Simply put, Howard got greedy. I have no doubt that the lure of presidential dinners and fairy tale balls for his wife Janette was just too great. Check out this photo with Cheney and Bush - if the wives were wearing sashes they could have been the royal family of "insert small Scandinavian country here with a GDP smaller than Heinz's yearly turnover". The "statesman syndrome" went to his head as well as Janette's. He should have taken a leaf out of his Labor state counterparts and resigned.

Check out Joe Hockey in tears and Alexander Downer being a precious twat.

I really don't think they get it. Downer refused to do any media interviews on election night.

Here's a giggle from Kerry O'Brien:

and sweet poetic justice:

It's Bennelong time.....

It's a Ruddslide!

2007-11-24T12:28:00.000-08:00

YAY..Ruddbot wins! The Veuve Clicquot was flowing freely at the ALP Abroad pub with a group of expat mates, Sky News and three hundred other Aussies. I really missed Antony Green, but it didn't matter - Maxine McKew is a star and so is every Kevin07 shirt-wearing Aussie who took to the footpaths to door knock till their knuckles bled.

I am very very happy!

The Election - Ali's Call as at 8.30 am EST

2007-11-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

Take the glass half empty, glass half full invisible inkblot quiz!
Glass half full:
The polls and punters are correct. It's a uniform 56-44 two party preferred win to Labor who are 20 seats in the clear. Nice.

Glass half empty:
It's a one seat win to Labor with a challenge from the Liberal Party regarding when the Wentworth Labor candidate resigned from his Government post.

Perish the thought! I think Howard is looking more and more desperate. Saying that once Australians vote for a Labor government you can't take it back like an unwanted Christmas present at the boxing day sales is clearly a sign that he's run out of anything interesting to say. I'm tired of hearing about the economy stupid. I hope others are too and don't fall into that "yar man, I really like Labor's education, health, environment and social policies so much more betterer than the Liberals but the Libs do a better job with the economy so I'm going to vote for Howard".

Howard has gone back to the ol' voter pitch of national security, reds under the beds, burkas under the beds, economy, economy, economy, don't change horses in mid stream except if it's my horse election speech. Nuthin' new, nuthin' forward thinking.

Well, we're going to London on the weekend to watch the vote count on Sky TV at a pub near the head office of the Transport and General Workers Union. I hope this is a good sign! I'm a member of ALP Abroad, so we'll be with lots of comrade supporters. A bit weird watching the election count in the morning.

Here's a pic of us voting! Lucky it's a secret ballot and put in a sealed envelope so you don't know who we voted for....

Royal Loathe

2007-11-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

It's Prince Charles' birthday today. The reason I know this is because on Radio 4 (Radio National equivalent) a posh voice came on just before the 7am news saying "Today is the birthday of his Royal Highness the Prince of Wales". And on came God Save the Current Monarch and her Offspring. Jock stood up but only to get some coffee.

Today, a little reminder that we live in one of those funny countries with odd ways and strange rituals.

Find a penny pick it up

2007-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

My friend Iza and her partner Kuba have a wonderful way of saving up for having a lovely dinner out at night. There is often money left on the street in Glasgow - usually 1 or 2p pieces. I don't bother to pick them up, partly because I think - "it's not worth it" and partly because I leave it to the wee bairns to do. Well, Iza and Kuba do pick up the odd bits of change here and there and keep them separate from the rest of the money they're carrying. Today Iza found 2p on her way to work.

They now have £28 to spend on their "free" dinner. I'm inspired!

Iza is from Poland and it's great being her friend because we talk non stop about our different cultures and share the odd laugh about being foreigners living in Glasgow. I marvel at her knowledge of the English language and the occasional cultural heurisms that happen when a word is misunderstood (like today when I said she could take a "day in lieu" for overtime she had worked..Why would I sit on the toilet?"). She is fluent after living in Glasgow for a year and every day I'm embarrassed about not knowing another language. And it makes me appreciate my mother's ability to speak three languages even more. Why are parents always right? They said I would regret not continuing to learn French and now of course, seeing as I live in Europe I regret it big time.

Not as much as I regret shaving my legs as a teenager....that's another example of not listening to my mother and another story entirely!

Iza says she will go to a Mexican restaurant because she misses Taco Bell...I'll keep you posted!

Rich Old White Guys

2007-11-06T13:29:00.001-08:00

Why do we keep voting them in????

Michael Moore pointed this out in his book Stupid White Men. That we keep voting for them, so we get what we deserve. I wish more people from interesting backgrounds did stand for public office. They probably try and just don't get past the battle of preselection!...Sounds familiar! ;P

Breaking the Bankers

2007-11-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

First it was, Stanley O'Neil, head of Merrill Lynch and today it's Charles Prince, head of the world's largest bank - the CitiGroup. Both have resigned due the billions of dollars lost to lending money to people who can't afford to pay it back, plunging the US housing market into crisis.

Prediction:
This could not have come at a better time for John Howard, and is possibly his rabbit out of the hat. If (and more likely when) the interest rate rise happens this week, no doubt Howard will argue that the world economy is on the impending doom track, and who best to drive this train out of the tunnel of darkness but the Liberal party. He'll quote the USA mortgage crisis and possibly the resignation of these CEOs and more than likely he'll use the W word - no, not "Wabbit", but "World Recession". Wanker.

And another thing....
The polling is a bit all over the place recently. Interestingly, the last 3 Galaxy polls are consistent in their prediction on a Maxine McKew victory in Bennelong. But the latest Newspoll suggest that the Coalition is winning the ground on key marginals.

No one seems to be talking about the mobile phone factor. Polls are conducted via telephoning on land lines. Now the Lib's took a leaf out of the Republican book by trying to knock people off the electoral roll (some 140,000 voters have been knocked off because AEC workers visited their addresses and they no longer lived there) and by passing new laws closing the rolls early. The early rolls backfired somewhat with the campaign by radio station Triple J and by campaign group GetUp! to enroll young voters. Ten percent more young people are on the roll compared to last time.

So, I am hoping, that as young voters are more likely to vote for Kevin07, and not have a landline, the polls are slightly skewed to the Coalition - giving Labor and even bigger lead!!!!

Ipsophiliacs Anonomoustache

2007-11-03T06:25:00.000-07:00

This is a group I belong to on Facebook. It's a group for making up words:
"This group is dedicated to the creation and furthering of Perlatations... Perlatation is the made up word for made up words. The art of creating words is called Perlating... Get involved - you might find you have ipsophiliac tendencies!"

I recently added:

Plutocrap: Taken from plutocrat meaning bourgeois and crap, meaning crap. When a wave of wealthy capitalist consumers do something collectively stupid...like the thousand or so Japanese people who wondered why their labradoodles didn't bark, because they were all sold sheep.

Other gems posted by fellow Ipsophiliacs include:

Lycratte: the art of consuming a latte whilst wearing lycra under the delusion that other patrons will envy your obvious athletic vigor.

Sleep Tetrivation: The lack of adequate sleep due to the constant playing of Tetris. This also applies to the lack of sleep from thinking of how best to place those odd shaped 'bricks' in order to prevent the game from ending and/or enhancing your highest score.

Enthusispasm: when enthusiasm crosses the boundary of healthy excitement into straight up retardedness.

Hypothetical Salad: The complimentary salad that the waiter asks you to select from the menu, in compensation for bad service, but then forgets to bring.

I also added:
Phallumphing: (1) The act of turning your pillow over in summer to fluff it up and sleep on the cool side. (2) The act of briskly moving your top sheet upwards and letting it fill with air and fall gently back down enjoying the sensation of it landing on your legs and body...also in summer. Note: It doesn't work with a doona.

This was then countered by a fellow Ipsophiliac called Chris:

Flatullumphing:
(1) The act of breaking wind then briskly moving your top sheet upwards and letting it fill with noxious air and fall gently back down enjoying the sensation of it landing on your legs and body whilst sinking breathable air levels...

Oh how I love Facebook!

My My...At Waterloo, Napoleon Did Surrender

2007-10-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Hope the outcome for Nelson (er....my Dad has just pointed out that it was the Duke of Wellington not Nelson....history is soooooo yesterday) will be the same for Kevin! Here's Jock and me at Waterloo with our Kevin07 shirts. Shame the RV was in the way. We've sent it to the Kevin07 website, so look out for us on the web. (And thanks Mad and Jamie for supplying the t-shirts!)

Whinge...
I can not believe Malcolm Turnbull. For one thing, we have an Environmental minister who refuses to say whether he believes the Kyoto Protocol should be ratified or not and secondly - he leaked the cabinet discussion during an election campaign! I think this could really damage the Libs.

Hoorah...
Labor definitely won the second week of campaigning - only four to go. I likened it to being 13 points up in the final quarter of the grand final with 7 minutes to go. Jock then added that this scenario doesn't cater for a football team punching members of their own squad in the head and giving the ball to the opposition. I think this could have been true for campaigns of yore, but not this one. I think it's the Libs who look undisciplined.

Whinge....
Except of course stupid Joe MacDonald could surface during a stop work meeting once the temperature's reached 25°C rendering it too hot to work and reveals all of Labor's dirty washing.

Hoorah!....
But of course, before this happens, one hopes a Labor heavy (or should I say a Labor Heavier) would have tied him to a lamp pole with his braces in a far away place or maybe given him a one way ticket to Cuba where he can bang on about the revolution whilst smoking cigars.

Whinge....
Piers Ackerman really gives me the shits. It's one thing to sit on the special chair reserved for right wing columnists from trashy dailies during Barry's Insiders program, it's another thing to be so blatantly pro-Howard that you start blurting spin from Liberal adverts. I'm happy to hear the views of conservative commentators, as long as they're putting their argument forward rather than regurgitate ad nauseam Liberal spin.

Hoorah!.....
Thank goodness for Annabel Crabb and Karen Middleton.

Wine!..
Had some lovely wine and beer at Jamie and Jeannie's in Belgium this weekend. Met the gorgeous Jasper and it was just lovely to hang out at their home chewing the fat all weekend.

Cone Head

2007-10-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

This poor wee fella was playing Harry Potter when he got this traffic cone stuck on 'is 'ead. Silly duffer - but look at all the fire fighters it took to pull it off!

It took thirty minutes for the fire fighters to arrive and another 45 to remove it from his head. If only they had used the Alohomora
spell from Hogwarts. Hawaiian “Aloha” means “hello/farewell” and Latin “mora” which means “obstacle”. So...Farewell obstacle, hello nasty 21st birthday story!

Kevin 07

2007-10-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

It's all happening! And I'm not there to soak it up :(

Here's some cyber badges I made for Facebook with my friend Killer's new application. Facebookers can upload a badge and stick it on their profile. Better still, you can make your own and others can use it. What delicious fun!

And my mate Flicka got her pic in The Australian today by raising her jumper and showing off her Kevin 07 shirt to John Howard as he drove to the GG's house! Good onya Flicka!

Jock and I have decided to go to London for election day. Here's the outcome in order of best to worst case scenario:

1) Labor and Rudd win government, Maxine wins and Family First, John Howard, Malcolm Turnbull, Peter Costello and that evil conservative preacher boy Tony Abbott lose their seats.
2) Labor and Rudd win government, Maxine wins
3) Labor and Rudd win government, Howard retains his seat
4) the Coalition win government and Maxine wins
5) the Coalition win government and Howard wins his seat

I don't even want to contemplate number 5 happening....

Jock and I have been given Kevin07 shirts and I think we'll wear them to Belgium when we visit Jamie, Jeannie and Jasper.

The Election - 24 November - Bring It On!

2007-10-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being AWOL...I've been to Australia and back again and it's been difficult to be in a headspace to write my blog. What a difference 18 months away makes. In a nutshell - Perth seems really expensive and John Howard and Kevin Andrews et al seem absurdly racist.

Firstly, can I just say there must be an awful lot of people missing out on the economic boom. I walked out of Sainsbury's today with three bags of shopping totaling 10 quid. That's $AU25. The equivalent canvas bags of shopping in Perth, including standard items such as El Paso Taco Kits (Hot), capsicums ("peppers" in the UK, where the equality agenda has pushed through the glass ceiling of capsicum colour - yellow ones are the same price as green ones), non-evil chemical-leaching-into-urban-waterways fabric softener of dubious quality and buy one get one free ginger snaps would have cost me in Coles around fifty bucks. So I now believe that the UK is actually relatively cheap when it comes to groceries.

Which brings me to the notion of "working families". Working families are the ones paying the price for the lack of dividend from the economic boom. With the election being called for 24 November, I sincerely hope that Kevin Rudd's "working families" does not become the "ladder of opportunity" so over-used by Latham (who???). I believe "working families" has become a euphemism for the following:

Cashed up bogans with offspring who have their own televisions and game consoles in their bedrooms
Bigoted folk who last voted Labor when Dennis O'Connor and "winged keel" were part of the everyday Aussie vernacular whom now vote for Howard because "boat people" no longer means hanging around Freo in deck shoes waving Aussie flags
Single parents on workplace agreements that were not generated by a mining company
Any family with an income that's above the disability pension and below, say, um, like, $300,000
Swinging voters
Flying pigs

Basically, "working families" means people who are not very very very rich and people who are not on guest visas working for Manpower. I just hope that the people whose hearts the ALP need to touch consider themselves "working families".

I think Howard's five point plan (it's the economy stupid, families with a mum and a dad and baptised kids are best, fridge magnets for all, the environment RULES OK! and black people are now cool too) is too little too late and I hope Australians see it for what it is - a last minute attempt to tap into the public mood to win over the public.

I think it will be very difficult for Rudd to win - but I hope he can do it! Bring it on Australia! I wish I was there - I'd spend every waking second campaigning.

Meet Kelly

2007-09-23T07:08:00.001-07:00

You may remember Nicki from X Factor in an earlier blog entry who sung I Will Always Love You by Whitney Housten (yes, I know it was originally Dolly Parton, but it was ole Witney Crack Ho Housten who put the song on the international karaoke map). Well, meet Kelly.

This new phonomenon of instant fame - just add water - tears and lots of them - brings a secondary phenomenon. When once your bad performance being likened to a singing Lassie would be relegated to the fish and chip wrappers of collective audience memory, it is now uploaded in celluloid cyberspace perpetuity. You've donned your best frock, practiced with your toothbrush and signed away your rights for a shot of five minute fame, only to be a star performer for all the wrong reasons with a YouTube fan base in the millions.

I wonder what this next chapter of infamity does for Kelly's self esteem. The YouTube viewer comments about her and her family are filled with bile and vitriole based on five minutes of telly. The next question is whether or not this family is always truly hideous, or whether the Jerry Springer devil had posessed them for the five minutes of Kelly's audition and made them act like pretentious, self righteous fools. Which is what reality TV preys on, but rarely considers the after effect.

Take this clip for example:

and here's what the show and the subsequent uploading of her horrendous performance has had on her life:

Should we have sympathy? I say not. They want instant fame, they get infamous instantly and become an outlet for cyber punters to vent their spleens at people they don't know, don't care about and can laugh at. I sure did. That's entertainment.

Glastonbury Pics

2007-09-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

I never added them, but you can see them on Facebook by clicking here. They are very cool lomo pics.

We went to Don and Christine's fabulous English wedding in a field on the weekend, complete with drum and bass music in world war II bunkers, Pimms and a pork pie wedding cake. Everyone wore black, red and white to make for a very St Kilda look. One of the readings was "The Owl and The Pussy Cat", and when read out loud at a wedding, rather than in the context of a bedtime story, it is rather hilarious, haughty and entirely rude.

After that, it was straight to London to see Prince with Ros who had joined us for the weekend. Prince funked it up at the Millennium Dome and we had el primo seats bought on eBay. Nice.

Can't wait to be coming home to Australia. I'm most looking forward to being in the thick of it when it comes to John Howard's demise. Oh what a joy it is to watch it unfold. Of course, I'm also looking forward to seeing our families and friends. Look out for invites etc on Facebook - I'm sure there will be a gathering or two.

Che nessuno dorme, soltanto voi Luciano.

2007-09-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

Luciano Pavarotti is dead. I heard the news today on my favourite form of news sharing - no, not Facebook, but the radio. His signature tune, the aria from Nessun Dorma from Puccini's Turandot, was just played and it woke me up good and proper from my breakfast slumber.

He made opera accessible and popular. I don't have anything else to add really, except I wish I had seen him perform in person.

PS - YouTube is going bananas today. It's a wonderful phenomenon that folk are turning to YouTube to post their message about Pavarotti's death.

Ode to Kevin

2007-08-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

Ode to Kevin

Oh KEVIN07
Heaven
It would be
To hear you ushered in
Before the black rod for
Question time.

Your glasses,
Steaming up in mandarin diplomacy
While you passionately argue for
Fair Trade

Fair hair
Thick and mousy
I don't mind if you got drunk
And frequented
One of those bars

A sneaky peak....

2007-08-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

I went to Edinburgh on Friday and Saturday to soak up the last the fringe festival had to offer. I managed to blag my way in to the Edinburgh Television Festival, a five hundred quid per head affair. A friend of mine, Claire, was going so I sneaked in to hear some of the lectures and plenaries. I even asked a question regarding my pet interest of micro audiences during the plenary on Who will win the web? The panel for this plenary included TV execs from ITV and Channel 4 and reps from Reuters, the Telegraph and the my favourite daily tome, The Guardian.

I asked them if in the future, a parishioner from a Pentecostal church might download their church's news from the web, where they would receive ten minutes of Reuters news followed by ten minutes of Jesus news. A different person might download the same ten minutes of Reuters followed by ten minutes of union news if they were downloading from the Transport and General Workers Union Website. I asked what impact this would have on traditional forms of news and whether it would be a source of income for news outlets, given traditional methods such as newspapers' revenue was falling.

I couldn't believe my luck at sneaking in to this amazing conference. During morning tea, I scored a lanyard so I thought I didn't have to sneak around anymore. But, an observant usher noticed I was sans name tag and refused me entry into my next plenary, a role play involving news desk editors from the Guardian, the BBC, Sky News and Al Jazeera and a "real time" kidnapping on British soil of a highly decorated Iraq War vet. I was shown the door, but luckily it was via the wheel chair entrance, so I sneaked back in and befriended Conservative MP John Whittingdale, the head of the House of Commons Select Committee on Communications. We had an interesting chat - he used to be Margaret Thatcher's press secretary and was there the day she was dumped by her Party. We watched Terror Tapes - Broadcast or Be Damned together and concluded that we would both seek the resignation of the Sky News editor for showing the live footage of the hostage takers being raided, which resulted in the death of the hostage. Click here to see more.

And then of course, I ate my free lunch, which included fruit kebabs, mushroom tapenade on spinach flat bread and boccini cheese with tomato and basil. And a free t-shirt for both me and Jock and some fair trade chocolate. I didn't eat the t-shirt in case you were wondering...

To show you that the state of television in the UK is all the better for this conference, where the greatest minds in this TV nation get together over a weekend, here are two clips which appeared on telly last week....

The Royal Post - standing in the bread line

2007-08-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing the British know how to do well it is form a line. There is a unique order to lining up in Britain. If, for example, there are three ATMs, one single line will form in front of them so the first in line goes to the next available magic money machine.

This is equally true of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and Gatwick Airport, places where I have had further opportunity to stand patiently in an orderly queue talking about the weather to British people I don't know and won't meet again.

However, the Partick Post Office queue really doesn't cut the mustard. The floor of this post office is slightly concave where thousands have stood before me, making the once blue, now grey carpet threadbare . There is no banter about the weather, just a sombre line of people, staring forward waiting for their turn to shout through a small window to the post office clerk.

Invariably, I will be behind the person who wants a passport, holding up the line for ten minutes while the clerk checks the list for official justices of the peace ensuring tight personality checks under new terror laws of said passportee.

This is the worst of the wait, for now my iPod would have run out of batteries and the personal sanctuary in my head is now at the mercy of the post office line. I am now hearing a repetitive symphony of ambulance sirens on their way to the western infirmary, the warbling call of the Big Issue seller outside (Biiiiiig issue...tae help the homeless buy ye biiiiiig issue ootside....ah only harve one left, buy it so ah can gae hame") and the bloop te bloop blap followed by Ringo Starr saying "Come on Thomas and Friends" of the coin-operated child's Thomas the Tank Engine ride which hides some carpetless floor boards in the Post Office.

Finally it's my turn. Now I have to make a decision about whether to buy a first or second class stamp - surely Britain is the only country to extend the class system to small sticky bits of paper....

The clerk asks me what I would like. "I loaf of bread" I say. He gives me a funny look. "Well, for the amount of time I've been waiting in this line, I thought I had been transported back in time to a communist Russia bread line.

A wry smile. "A second class stamp for you then?"

Get Up! Support the ad and vote Howard OUT!

2007-08-08T15:52:00.001-07:00

I'm a big supporter of Get Up as you know. Here's the latest venture from the team:

Pass this on to as many friends as possible!

Now, I've been totally slack with the blog lately and it's not just because of (evil) facebook, it's also because I have:

been going to the movies
getting DJ lessons (what fun!)
working way too hard - it really has been insane
visiting Grannie
going to the Edinburgh fringe festival (more fun!)
it's all a bit of a blur

So I'm sorry - I will try and be creative on Monday. The same day I[m going back to the gym...

DYB DYB DYB

2007-08-02T23:22:00.000-07:00

DOB DOB DOB. It's the centenary of Scouts this week. I was a Scout once. And a guide and a brownie. I have mostly fond memories of this organisation, but towards the latter years of my involvement things began to change.

Amid the frivolous fun of meeting at the dingy halls in various towns and cities across Australia, singing songs and baking cakes, I recall para military activities such as marching in and out of parade to raise the flag, playing stalking games in the bush (which included camouflaged faces and various native shrubbery stuck in piggy tails) and truly evil commando courses which I never finished because of inferior arm muscles unable to a) pull me over the wall, b) get me across the rope bridge over water - very troubling for me or c) I managed to convince Brown Owl/Akela that as the patrol leader I would be best served making sure the possums were not finding a way into our larder rather than spend the afternoon searching for muscles I didn't have.

As scouts from across the planet gathered in Brownsea this week, the young lad invited to speak at the celebratory jamboree quoted a speech from Baden-Powell where he called for peace, comradeship and cooperation instead of rivalry between "classes, creeds and countries which have done so much in the past to produce wars and unrest". All good stuff from Robert the Powell. However, what he was really saying was "you can't run an A1 empire on C3 men".

This is always overlooked when folk romanticise about the Scouting movement. That it was meant to celebrate the fact that boys could be trusted to run errands during the Boer War, it was really started to give the lower class boys something to do and prepare them for war - and the "unrest" he spoke of was of the lower classes' expectation that they should be socially mobile and question their place in society. He spoke of bricks in the wall being civilisation and if you were a lower brick that was rotten, the wall would fall down and the higher bricks would not be able to look out for the country.

As I look back I can forgive this quasi caring sentiment of the great unwashed, because practically, I got more out of Scouting than the sum of being slightly bitter about the underlying reasons for starting it. I did learn to pitch an A frame tent, tie a bowline and slip knots (v. helpful for tying up protest banners) and later in Scouting life, learned how to chair meetings, change the oil in a car and put a succinct argument forward as to why I had a problem organising Scouts to be waiters at a Masons function, all under the watchful eye of volunteer leaders.

If we all dybbed and dobbed our way through life, perhaps there would be less rivalry among us.

Google circa 1960

2007-07-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

haha
lol

Face Off

2007-07-24T00:06:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted to facebook. This online community is shared by about 40 of my friends and we communicate by sending cyber gifts, poking each other, planting flowers in each other's virtual gardens and playing realtime scrabble.

I've also joined online groups within facebook such as:

My personal favourite is the "I wish I lived in Bennelong so I could vote for Maxine" group (1505 members). I have been buoyed by the amount of political discussion on Facebook and any old fogie luddite out there who thinks that young people or indeed the general proletariat aren't interested in politics is wrong. A good measure of this is the high level political debate going back and forth in cyberspace. There are many new facebook groups that have emerged, such as the "I wish I lived in Bennelong so I could vote old Johnny Boy back in" group with 51 members, the "Maxine McKew should go back to the ABC where socialists like her belong" group with 176 members and my personal favourite - the "I wish I lived in Bennelong so I could vote Green but pref. Maxine" group, advertising broadly that the Greens are well and truly finished. The good news for the Greens though, is this group has ten more members than Howard's group!

John Howard has his own profile on facebook, although I question its authenticity. I sent him a cyber present in the form of a bucket with the message "you make me ill". He sent a cyber-present back in the form of a roadside witch's cap with the message "Kevin Rudd is a health hazard".

I am most pleased about joining the apostrophe group. We have a lot of fun picking up spelling error's where apostrophe's or the wrong words are used when they shouldn't of(sic).

Best get to work - facebook has made me late again!

Pic - it has nothing to do with this entry except to say that I miss my family and friends and am looking forward to seeing everyone when I get home.

GoBag

2007-07-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to introduce my personal contribution to Sydney's Be Afraid Be Very Afraid Terrorism and Natural Disaster campaign. I feel that the current GoBag is not reflective of these modern times in which we live.

Hence, please consider using my GoBag for the impending apocalypse. I'm not sure where you would actually go after the inevitable large scale disaster that is coming your way given that Australia is surrounded by water.

The Bag: A fine quality "I'm not a Smug Twat" bag taking after its cousin "I'm not a plastic bag". You'll note that it has a non-fastening top for easy looting on your way out of town.
2b pencil and ballot paper: for stuffing ballot boxes to overthrow the Government.
Economics for Dummies: in case you pass by John Howard on your way out of Australia....he wasn't a good treasurer apparently.
"Unafraid" tube: This looks like a tube station sign, giving the terrorists a piece of "what for", but it's actually an inflatable ring that you can wear whilst trying to catch the gulf stream so you can find Nemo and get the hell out.
You Tube: "if you are watching this, I have been herded...out of Australia with my GoBag"
A half eaten chocolate bar: the best survival food on the planet
Dolce and Gabbana's reflective disco pants: As seen on the catwalks recently in Milan. It may be a state of emergency, but that doesn't mean you have to a) lose your sense of fashion and b) lose your sense of fun - a good boogie is the cultural heurism needed to remedy a mass panic.

I feel better now....

MySpace Cadet

2007-07-15T06:38:00.000-07:00

I was only just getting the hang of MySpace and Bebo, and now Facebook has come along. It's an online community that is addictive and unhealthy. Jeannie pointed out that Jock and I were sitting in the same room on different computers facebooking instead of talking. I don't think that is normal.

Facebook - you can poke friends, send them cyber presents, throw cyber food. The good thing about it is you can find friends who you haven't seen for years.

Facebook made me late for work the other day.

I added the magic 8 ball application and was relieved to discover that after I asked it if summer was ever going to arrive in Glasgow, it said "Most Definitely". It really has been a shite summer.

On a completely different subject...

Today has been a great day. It started off at David's flat, v early in the morning, who has a fancy telly that can receive live Dockers matches. They lost...bloody Dockers. But hey - my heart went flutter flutter when I saw Subi oval bathed in glorious winter sun. Bloody Dockers.

Then, it was off to Graeme and Jenni's to meet their new baby, Alex, who was like an Anne Geddes photograph. I did a Celebrity Chef, and made everyone lunch (polenta with smoked shitake mushrooms, proscuito and rocket; bruschetta with yellow tomatoes and avocado oil; fruit platter and wait for it.....TIM TAMS, which Jock found at Sainsburys - who now have none left on their shelves).

This arvo, Avril is coming over for a Sunday roast (we bought a corn fed organic chook at the farmers' markets). YUM.

Life doesn't get much better! Here's me at the Live Earth concert while Metallica was playing. I am SO ROCK CHIC.

Pipe Dreams

2007-07-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

This is so cool! Are you bored at work? Tired of daydreaming when what you really wished you were doing is the amazing pipe cleaner dance???

click here! I highly recommend E and F as a good starting point....click on the link and have fun!

Live Earth Wembley

2007-07-08T04:22:00.000-07:00

I was there with my mate Mike!.. (who you'll recall from such wedding performances as "Under Milkwood"). I flew down especially to be at the London concert. Now, before anyone shouts "hypocrite!", I offset my carbon miles by donating to Oxfam and GetUp and soon in the not too distant future I'll point to a group of trees and say "we should plant more of those"... There's been some criticism about the Live Earth concerts because of the private jets to ferry rock stars and the amount of energy required to put on the lighting show. Bob Geldof summed it by saying: "Everybody's known about [it] for years. We're all fucking conscious of global warming".

If you're already on the global warming hydrogen fueled solar panelled bus, there wasn't much to be gained from the preaching that went on via crappy films and cartoons between artists and the didactic warbling of the artists themselves. I was there for the concert and the excitement of being at Wembley stadium and for no other reason than that. It was awesome. When else am I going to see Madonna, Metallica and Spinal Tap all on the same day?

The concert was like getting a tasting plate at a restaurant -each artist only did four or five songs. The Foo Fighters, Metallica and the Beastie Boys were all madmen and the stadium was electric during their performances. But it was Madonna who did it for me. She was all class. This video does not do the performance justice, but here it is anyway...she's a bit like a girl version of Iggy Pop - cavorting sinew....

The Abba rift in this song is genius.

Also genius is the band Nunatak, who made Live Earth truly global by making sure there was a concert on every continent. Nunatak are a bunch of scientists on Antartica.

Can I end this entry on three points:

1. The Live Earth pledge: we've been asked to pledge something we're going to do for climate change. I'm already doing the canvas bag thing, the light bulb thing, the turn your telly really off as opposed to sort of standby off thing and the public transport to work thing. So, from now on, I'm going to take a reusable lunch box to work to use at the local tuck shop instead of the polystyrene one they give me. That's the little thing. The big thing, and I'm going to have to think about whether its feasible, is to see about following my friend Rachael Robert's lead and get an Environment House for my local suburb of Partick. That's a mammoth commitment, so I need to think about it.

2. The Logistics: Can I just say that the logistics of Wembley stadium are truly wondrous. 80,000 people leave the stadium at the same time and we basically just walked down the path at a steady pace and onto the tube at Wembley Park.

3. Resource Security: When the Australian Government says the term "resource security" why does it mean oil and not water??????

Take your hat off to Nelson II

2007-07-06T04:46:00.000-07:00

How very apt. Cartoon borrowed from Steve Bell at the Guardian.

I love the way Blair has just collapsed.

What a joy it was to read the Guardian today and see this image in the letters page!

Take your hat off to Nelson!

2007-07-05T13:12:00.001-07:00

Good onya Brendan Nelson for telling the truth about the war in Iraq. I like the new spin "resource security" that Nelson put on his gaff.

I wonder if they use the term "resource security" when it comes to water?

Meanwhile, back in the Get Up bunker, Louise Barry has made a video for Mr Howard. You will recognise Louise as the woman who questioned Howard on Australia's foreign policy when he visited her in hospital after the July 7 attacks in London. I'm urging everyone to donate some $$ to Get Up so this can be aired on TV. It is about oil. We knew it was about oil all along. We knew it was all about the alliance with the US.

In fifty years time, we'll be the deputy sheriff to China and we will be at war with some small nation with a large underground lake over "resource security"...The Water Wars...I can't wait...hang on....doesn't Australia have an underwater lake somewhere??????

Unfortunate

2007-07-05T04:53:00.001-07:00

What was the sub editor thinking? An unfortunate placement of an ad...

Waking Up

2007-07-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

My morning wake up routine goes....
Tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen;
pour myself a cup of (fair trade) ambition,
and yawn, and stretch, and try to come to life.
Tune in to radio 4 and the blood starts pumping
check out the web, the Cappo's need thumpin'
with folks like me on the job from on average 8.23 - 5.48

However, this morning, still half asleep, I turned on the radio to hear "...and we'll bring you more after the news about Alan Johnston's release". And suddenly, I was very awake with my ear to the radio for the rest of the morning. What a joy it was to hear that Alan was freed. In his interview with the BBC, he made a comment about what freedom really feels like ("Just to be able to look at a door and say I can walk through that, or see the sun and think, I can feel that") and that his heart goes out to all those who are currently being held against their will. As a journalist he seeks the truth and reports it to us first hand, and at the moment of his release, he chose to talk about others around the world who are imprisoned. I had a tear in my eye and felt quite emotional when we were talking about it at work around the water cooler.

Good on ya Alan. Click here for Amnesty information.

Glasgow Airport

2007-07-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

It was the first day of summer holidays and new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown's third day in office. It was raining.... then the flaming jeep plows into the main terminal at Glasgow Airport and a terrorist attack puts the city on alert. It's a miracle no one was hurt.

For the past year we have been working at Glasgow Airport talking to cleaners who get paid a measly 10 pence above minimum wage. We've been saying to them that they don't work in a safe place anymore and worse, they are the lowest paid airport cleaners in the country. Any one of them could have been working on the footpath where the car hit the other day. Cleaners are so often front line and so often forgotten about. I've been looking at the photos of the attack and thinking - I walk that footpath every week. But somehow, it doesn't feel real, maybe because innocent people were not killed.

And now today we find out that a doctor in Australia has been arrested over the failed terror attempts. Surely this should bring it home to me - that my adopted city and home country are clearly under attack. If only I had my fridge magnet with me...It still doesn't feel real. I don't feel alarmed.

Eeeuuch... Alexander Downer is on BBC Radio 4. One of the pleasures of living here is I don't have to listen to Howard ministers. Downer is blaming Beattie for the Indian born, Liverpool trained recently arrested doctor... I blame Victoria for sending all their retirerees to Queensland puting the health service under pressure.

We've organised a meeting next week with the airport cleaners' bosses. The cleaners are in the union now and we're hopefully going to gain union recognition and a pay increase. They bloody well deserve it!

Glastonburriedinmud

2007-06-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

We have survived Glastonbury but only just. Our backs ache after trudging in mud for 5 days. It's incredible to think that a city of 180,000 people can spring up over night and still provide decent sanitation for everyone. Glastonbury really is a wonder to behold.

Here pictured is our second favourite DJ in the world, after El Hornet from Pendulum, DJ How 'Ard. He is a monster on the decks, spinning wicked tunes. We were so lucky to catch his set.

Highlights:

Iggy Pop
You know when you get a piece of steak, and there's a big chunk of hearty meat, then there's a little line in the meat followed by a smaller piece of hearty meat. Well, Iggy Pop is that line. I tell you, the man is all sinew. He is mental. He comes out on stage wearing jeans only and starts Madonna dancing on the speakers, pointing at his nipples. It's incredible - the man is nearly 107 years old. During his set he asked fans to come up on stage, so 300 stormed the barricades and for twenty minutes Ig wondered round chatting to people then begging them to get off the stage. No-one moved until the 50,000 strong audience started shouting "get orf, get orf". Madness. I loved his concert but can't tell you a single song he sang because it was all too crazy.

Billy Bragg
I was lucky enough to meet Mr Bragg because I was in the Union caravan display when he came in. We had a twenty minute conversation about the new patriotism sweeping the UK and the use of the St George flag. He signed his book for me. Billy's gig was utterly fantastic. He is a genuine all-round entertainer. An absolute highlight. If you get the chance to see him - do it! Here he is doing U2's One Love but making the audience do actions to "Let's drop the debt and it will be all right"...

Random Meetings

There were around 20 of our mates at Glasto which we randomly met trudging though the mud. What fun it is to bump into mates when there's 180,000 others in your way!

Pendulum
Regular readers of this blog will know that Jock and I are mad Pendulum fans. To see them live rather than DJing was electric. What made it even better, was that you could have been listening to this Scarborough band at the Hyde Park Hotel - the were so Oz, so Rock! We had to get into the East Dance tent early to avoid disappointment, which meant listening to Mr Boring Pants DJ for an hour. It was like watching the test pattern before your favourite TV show. The crowd was so amped by the time they came on.

Chemical Brothers
Who never disappoint. After Pendulum it was a walk over to the Other Stage to see the Chemicals. What a way to finish Glasto. Their set included this evil looking clown that stared down at us through the torrential rain. What I love about the crowds at gigs in the UK is that they have flags and other things on poles, like blowup kangaroos, so their mates can find them in the crowd.

Hot Chip

"Over and over and over and over....like a monkey with a miniature cymbal". Hot Chip are the Math Club who were given instruments. I have never set eyes on such a geeky group of musicians. That's another thing I'm loving about music at the moment - anyone can do it and the cool kids are the geeks. Great set - check out this vid - it's fantastic.

Michael McGibbon's T-shirt
My mate Mike flew from Sydney to be at Glasto. He wore this shirt with a pic of George Bush and one of his Bushism quotes about cloning.

Lassies
We kept going back to a hippy Indian stall to re-fuel on mango lassies. YUM. Actually, the food at Glastonbury was top notch. There were so many hippies there that we were spoiled for choice when it came to vegetarian options - which is the way forward when you are surrounded by mud and long drops.

Wellies
We simply would not have survived without them.

The Secret Pub
There is a secret pub near Lost Vagueness (where we caught a glimpse of Fat Boy Slim dressed as a bumble bee doing a DJ set). By the time we got there, our friends Jamie and Shane had beaten us, as had the bouncers to let people in. So we ran down the brae and were lucky enough not to get caught entering this little garden paradise surrounded by elms, where I spent the rest of the evening until sunrise, long after the boys had gone home.

What a weekend. Thanks Michael Eavis and Worthy Farm!

The International Prototype

2007-06-17T01:52:00.000-07:00

Back by popular demand is the How to be Smart segment of Invisible Inkblot. You can read this little missive and by the end of it, impress your friends at your next dinner party. Memorise and store the following sequence in your left breast dinner jacket pocket and be ready to pull it out at the next Young Liberal Party fundraiser at Kirribilli House.

Are you aware that an international search for a new kilogram is on? The old French one is disintegrating as we speak, and may now only weigh 996.314159265 grams. Ce n'est pas possible! I hear you cry - how can I possibly ask for un kilo de pomme si vous plait next time I'm at a French market if the International Prototype for the kilo is falling foul of the air and elements. I knew égalité, liberté, fraternité was a front. They've been ripping us off with their fancy euro, soft cheeses and dodgy scales for years!

Lucky then some Aussie scientists from the Australian National Measuring Institute are inventing a new kilo. Before anyone accuses me of making this up, this is a real institute, where breakthroughs in Australian measurement have been made (like reinventing the metre) and young prepubescent boys can line up on a Friday afternoon and get themselves checked out before uploading their profile onto Bebo or MySpace.

Personally, the recipe for jam in the Country Women's Association cook book where it says "place a kilo of sugar into a heavy based saucepan" has always done me fine.

In short, Aussie scientists are "...doing everything to really create a perfect object. It's not only near-perfect in roundness, but also the crystal purity, the atomic species and so on"...to create the perfect spherical kilogram.

I don't know about you, but I marvel at scientists. Being the bachelor of art type, science alludes me, and I have been known to impress friends by simply saying, "y'know how if you drop your toast and it lands vegemite side down, well, that's science".

Go Australia go! Get that kilogram and those French sorted out!

If you would like to visit us at Glasto 07....

2007-06-15T08:13:00.001-07:00

The red circle is where the tent will be pitched. Thanks Shane for doing the map....

Monkey Magic

2007-06-15T00:25:00.001-07:00

What will they think of next? Pop outfit Gorillaz have joined forces with the Manchester Opera to bring back to life that '80s classic - Monkey Magic (which actually was a Chinese folklore from hundreds of years ago). So welcome back Sandy, Pigsy and Triptaka (a boy or a girl? The arguments never ceased). I remember watching this on the ABC...... It was actually a Japanese production. I think I'd like to see the Opera....

I just re-watched the first episode - I'd forgotten how clever, camp and funny it was!

Vale George Burarrwanga

2007-06-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

Jock alerted me to the death of George Burarwanga who was lead singer of the Warumpi Band, best known for songs such as My Island home, Blackfella-Whitefella and Stompen Ground.

You can see George perform by clicking here and here or here

or you can watch Peter Garrett, MHR, sing with them by pressing play!

I didn't know his name until Jock pointed it out, and I'm embarrassed about it, because I've heard his music many many times on Triple J.

One week to Glastonbury Festival!

2007-06-14T00:17:00.001-07:00

Here's the weather forecast for the Glastonbury Festival. It's gonna rain....

Discipline Urgenly Required II

2007-06-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

The recent leak from the ACTU is another notch for Howard's belt in his relentless march to remain in power. There's part of me that wishes I was in Australia to fight this battle, and another that feels as though I have gone AWOL leaving my comrades to defeat the tyrant. Stories like this make me feel that Labor's grip on the election could slip for potentially the third election in a row because of stupid mistakes. It's so easy when you're on the other side of the planet. Keep up the fight fellow Aussies!

Interestingly, the bigger news story of the day is not the ratting of the "how to" manual, or the bargain basement bash at Kirribilli, but the disgraceful figures that have come out regarding who gets what government money. The poorest of the poor continue to miss out under Howard, while the top end reaps the benefits of welfare for the wealthy. What a disgrace.

But that's a much tougher argument to win. Much easier to have nasty, vitriolic, "celebtocracy" stories that make the front pages of tabloids so middle voters don't have to think long term and political activists don't have to explore with and move voters to actually think and believe differently. Remember - it was Howard that said Australian voters remember nothing other than the last two weeks of an election campaign.

See Tony Blair's recent speech on the role of the media or David Marr's piece in Quarterly Essay about how democracy and debate has been on the demise since Howard's rule. Both Blair's speech and Marr's article hit the spot when it comes to reporting of silly stories in the media and the lack of public debate.

"Ooohhh.....look Big Ted, it's a big phat tax cheque for middle and high income earners! Hello middle and high income earners!" .."Hello middle and high income earners! Little John, can Little Ted join in with the middle and high income earners?" ..... "Oooohhhh, I don't think so Big Ted. He's working a double shift on minimum wage cleaning the toy box tonight, and anyway, he couldn't afford to eat at this restaurant".

Sunni Side Up

2007-06-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

I am at a loss to understand why the American bunker commanders have given their GI Joes the OK to trade, sell and supply guns, ammo, cash, jeeps and fuel to Sunni insurgents who are "disenchanted" with al-Qaida. Apparently, bunker chiefs have decided it's up to each commander on the ground to decide if their insurgents are worthy of such gifts. I'm wondering what tests the insurgents have to pass in order to gain the goodies. Do they simply front up at a meeting point and declare that they promise to stick a needle in their eye should they ever pass on the guns to al-Qaida or other insurgents intent on killing Americans?

I'm sure the CIA once gave weapons and money to al-Qaida to sort out those peski Ruskis in Afghanistan twenty years ago. And look how that worked out.

Bizarre. I think at the heart of all of this lies governance. There is corruption at every level of governance in Iraq - the Sunni speaker was just expelled by the Shia-dominated parliament yesterday for various scandals and the army and the police corps are riddled with sectarian violence.

This governance transcends to more than just Iraq. Iraq I believe, is a symptom of a wider problem of governance - state and corporate - that is a virus chewing its way throughout the planet. Just look at the recent G8 summit. Mountains of money (and still not an acceptable amount to forge positive and everlasting change) pouring in to Africa, but knowingly being put in an abyss of stink and corruption.

And it's not just African nations. BAE Systems - the massive weapons manufacturer in Britain - and possibly the Ministry of Defence, have been caught out bribing Prince Banbar of Saudi Arabia to the tune of "one billion pounds". Worse, the British Labour Government prevented an inquiry from concluding because it could test the friendship of the two nations. A billion quid - think how many school lunches that is....

Twenty-first century governance...sunny side up? It's a scrambled mess.

Please enjoy this video clip of Fat Boy Slim's Weapon of Choice. Remember - if you walk without rhythm, you won't attract the worm.

Our own orange revolution...

2007-06-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

I love GetUp!

Feel free to spread this around as much as possible! I'm sure there will be more to come closer to the election.

Joof and Trev elope!

2007-06-01T23:39:00.001-07:00

Congratulations to my sister Judith and her partner Trevor on their recent tying of the knot. This they kept secret - they didn't even tell Hayley - and their witnesses were the photographer and the bed and breakfast landlady, who brought along her best friend to blow bubbles during the ceremony.

The photo is soooo Oz! Just look at that bush in the background...makes me a bit homesick! Well done you two.

On other matters:

The Glastonbury lineup has come out. For those of you who are into your music, click here and get jealous! An aural sensory overload is coming my way! Fabulous!

Yesterday, we caught up with Lord-in-waiting George, whom we keep seeing at gigs around town. I asked him at the last gig if he wanted to be real friends and he said yes, so we went to a lovely pub for a drink of real ale (Lusty May it was called) and whisky. He went to Eton college (that most poshest of schools, where parents send their children to be fine upstanding citizens of the empire) along with Prince Harry (yes, George very young) and he's studying art history in order to gain knowledge of the art in his family's manor. I asked him if he was upset that he would be unable to don a red robe and take his seat as an hereditary peer. Lord-in-waiting George said he would have done his best to serve his country in that way, but was glad that there was no burden on his shoulders. Interesting chap, slightly misguided - but who isn't at 21?

And this weekend - we have not one social engagement! Lovely!

Discipline Urgenly Required

2007-05-30T01:57:00.000-07:00

Discipline is urgently required in Labor ranks if we are to win the federal election. The recent stories regarding Therese Rein (Rudd's wife) and union leader Dean Mighell are going to be exploited by Howard to stem the decline in his popularity.

Howard is a master at tapping into perceived fears about the "bad ole days of unionism" (yes, well, those were the days when the gap was smaller between rich and poor, young workers could afford to buy a house and there wasn't nearly so much unpaid overtime).

Dean Mighell could have been smarter about his comments. Like so many union leaders of his ilk, it's all about ruffling up their peacock feathers and saying "look at moi, look at moi!". There's no doubt that Mighell's comments will wind up on a national Liberal Party ad deliberately used to mislead workers about unions.

Mighell and the likes of Kevin Reynolds et al must be brought into line. The people in the ALP's bunker in Canberra need to urgently get these union leaders on message (although, I suspect it'll be like be herding cats). Combined with their giant sized egos, giant sized bellies and their medium to small sized declining unions, they have the ability to derail the ALP's campaign to victory. In saying all of that, bosses have regularly stolen money from poorly paid workers and are given awards for it, but when a union leader does the same thing, he's branded a criminal.

But, I still believe there needs to be discipline. Spouses and any other outside interests that include the employment of workers need to be vigourously checked. How hard would it have been for Big Kev to say over dinner - "listen, love, we're going to be doing a little campaign on fairness at work. Can you make sure your employees are paid correctly".

Discipline discipline discipline....Howard will be closing ranks and will run the most vitriolic, negative campaign of his life because he is losing his grip on power. He is a desperate man and his henchmen will be out to uncover every bit of dirt possible. Kevin Rudd must pull people into line. The ACTU must pull people into line.

“The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.” Martin Luthar King Jr.

PS - thank god for Get Up! It's doing such a good job! If you're not already a member, click here.

Oor Wee Hoosie

2007-05-28T12:46:00.000-07:00

At long last - you can view oor new hoose on google videos. We've settled in nicely - I even made stovies for dinner (made from left over roast beef and potatoes). A true Scot would eat stovies with oatcakes and dip a spoonful of stovies into a mug of warm milk. Blech...I chose red wine and no dipping. It was my first attempt at stovies and while they were cooking, it brought back memories of home. It's funny how smells do that. Here's Jock looking wistfully at his oatcake...

and here's a virtual tour of our house:

An Indian Superman‽

2007-05-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Here's what happens when an Indian Superman meets an Indian SpiderGirl. There are so many questions - like, if they're saving the planet, how did they learn to dance like that? And did they ever appear on Telethon and the Connie Vidos School of Dance?

You'll also notice that I've decided to use an interrobang as the punctuation for the title of this entry. It has been introduced to me by Jamie Osborne and I think it's fabulous and well fitting for this bizzarre little filmette courtesy of YouTube.

I wonder what their children would look like should they decide to breed‽

Pulling a rabbit out of the hat

2007-05-22T14:51:00.001-07:00

I don't know Mr Hat, what do you think? Do you think Mr Howard is a big fat loser breath stinky shit?

From The Australian

"Howard warned his troops that the Coalition could be “annihilated”, and that he has no rabbits out of hats.

It was blunt, dramatic and will have to be effective. Howard wants people to realise that if Labor is elected, there will be changes of policy and personnel that will “change the country’”."

Yes, Mr Howard. That is correct. We want to change the country, don't we Mr Hat.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2007-05-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

The great thing about being 34 is when a boy in a nightclub thinks you're 23, you think you don't actually need the expensive Advanced Signs Stop Ageing Cream from Clinique anymore and that all is rosy and well. Until you remember that you've been in Blanche DuBoisesq lighting and you're wrinkles aren't showing. This same boy, who was dancing next to me, went to Applecross High, a bizarre coincidence given we were in a dank and dingy dance hall in Glasgow. There ended our similarities as he was born in 1987. A true child of the Howard era.

We went to see Groove Armada for my birthday at the Barrowlands, an old fashioned ballroom in Glasgow's east end. An epic concert - I pinched the poster (pictured) off the lamp post at the end of the night because "it was my birthday". It seemed like a good idea at the time...

iPod in your Pants

2007-05-19T12:35:00.001-07:00

Apple and Levis, you have simply gone too far.

How are you going to clean these jeans? Is this a joke?

Meat Craiglea

2007-05-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

Craiglea likes Reef Oil sun factor 2, drinking a bundy and coke by the pool on the Gold Coast and hanging out with the girls at the Mudgeeabra Cutting Shoppe in the Wallaby Hotel Complex, where she gets a semi perm and bleach. If she wants her hair done, then that's a different matter entirely - she prefers her mum to do it on the verandah of her Nan's house, where she runs a small business setting the hair of recently moved Victorian retirees.

Her ultimate fave rock star is Craig McLachlan and she especially likes the song Mona, which was his only hit actually. Craiglea was the chick in the video clip, when her name was originally Jenny. She got slightly obsessed with Craig so ate seven Chef Jay's Tri-O-Plex Duo Bars a day for fourteen months until she was satisfied she could play the guitar on the back of a ute as well as Craig.

Craiglea is currently single.

Amazing!

2007-05-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

We finally got broadband from our ISP! It only took 6 weeks this time instead of four months. Rather than tell you our tale of woe, which included a cross line with a Mrs Joyce Bowes, I thought this little piece from Trigger Happy TV is symbolises how I felt during this process.

The BlairDitch Project

2007-05-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

I thought the day that Blair was to resign would have fan fare and much waving of flags, but it seemed, such as the life of a lame duck president, that it came and went, like any other day, disposable like a takeaway Chicken Treat Hawaiian Pack - a sweet and short lived sensation that left a greasy after taste.

Did Tony's New Labour experiment over promise and under deliver, and will Gordon Brown ditch the project or continue it against the will of the Labour die-hards and the nonchalance of the nouveau rich?

I believe his legacy will be the quagmire in Iraq, spin and mistrust, instead of a social legacy of a minimum wage and union rights, the reinvigoration of the NHS (although the opposite is the perception) and the public service, better maternity leave and frankly speaking, good looks and charm. His mantra of "Politics may be the art of the possible; but, at least in life, give the impossible a go" may have robbed him of the legacy as a People's Prime Minister or as a Prime Minister of Hearts. For the very nature of what he was trying to do, by being heroic and tackling the impossible - fix the NHS - in effect, became his downfall.

Curing the NHS is an impossible task. It is a giant leaky bucket that can never be sealed and there will always be a story the opposition will find about an 80 year old grannie who stayed in the corridor for 4 hours in emergency, or an outbreak of a super bug that claims the life of a healthy man in his prime.

So many Brits had faith in Tony, and were stripped bare, along with Labour's membership and activist base.

The people can't pin all their hopes on one man - it will take more than one generation to fix the broken country that the Tories left - yet the general malaise that has enveloped Britain has a country drunk on consumerism and yearning for a spot on reality TV. The reality is, that the people who pinned their hopes on New Labour will be the same people that are needed to lift New Labour into the next decade of the 21st century. Those people have been left scarred and cynical by sound bites and lies, and can't see beyond the 80 inch wall mounted telly at the positive things ten years of Labour has done.

I will remain forever angry at Blair's decision to go to war. But I mustn't become cynical. He said in his closing remarks: "Hand on heart, I did what I thought was right. I may have been wrong - that's your call. But I did what I thought was right for our country".

So, dear reader, I will leave you with this quote from Glasgwegian artist and architect, Charles Rennie Mackintosh, for whom I have much admiration:

There is hope in honest error. None in the icy perfections of the mere stylist.

Recipe of the Month!

2007-05-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

Fiona, Jock and I went to this tres fabulous French restaurant last night and ate a three course meal for ten quid each. The dessert was so yummy, I got the recipe from Chef so I don't have to eat there again (actually, that's a pile of merde, I think I will become a regular). So, here is the recipe for Lemon Something French Thingy (I can't remember its name):

You will need:

2 pints of double cream (that's 1.2 litres for my metric friends)
300 grams of castor sugar (that's a lot really)
Juice of 5 lemons (don't cheat from that lemon squeezy thing you can never find at the supermarket)
A bowl, whisk, pot, stove and some moulds

You will do:

Bring cream and sugar to the boil stirring constantly
Keep it bubbling for a further 3 minutes and keep stirring
Remove from heat and whisk in the lemon juice
Pour in to individual moulds or Vegemite glasses
Bung in fridge to set, or window sill if you're in Glasgow.

And voila! You have a fabulous French dessert. It's creamy and sticky and tangy and deliciously rich. Nigella Lawson would probably like this dessert and deliberately drip it down her satin dressing gown so she can seductively lick it off with her fingers...."Oooh, I just love Lemon Something French Thingy. It's the most astonishingly easy dessert to make and I just love the way it oozes off the spoon representing the end of your dinner party and that lovely slide into beaujolais induced stupor before you fall into your satin sheets" (camera cuts to uber fabul-arse-looking friends of Nigella laughing and wiping up drippy Lemon Something French Thingy from corners of mouth, camera pans back to Nigella's chest), et cetera et cetera.

Have fun making and eating it!

PS - photograph may not actually represent what this dessert looks like.

PPS - still no broadband, even though they assured me it would be yesterday.

Broad Banned

2007-05-09T05:15:00.000-07:00

Well, since the last time I wrote on this blog, Scotland has changed its government, I've changed my underpants and the broadband situation at home remains unchanged - ie, no ISP. Carphone Warehouse are inept. The problem is, once it's up and running, it's okay and cheap and that's why I stick with it. I've had fights with call centres around the UK (at least they're not in India like British Telecom) and I'm sure they deliberatly got my name and gender wrong just to spite me. So, it was a snarl of the lip in my pyrric victory against the company when yesterday I finally received my "Go Live" pack (ie, going live on broadband on 10 May) that was addressed to MR Alifon Bunting, the evil fuckers.... I have a big booklet that says "Welcome to Broadband Alifon" with name references throughout.... "Alifon, don't forget to set up your calling circle for your friends" and little cards that say "To Alifon's Friends. Alifon thought you might like cheap broadband from Carphone Warehouse". Alifon fought carfone warehouse might like to pull its fingers out fanks very much....

We had our first homemade Scottish friends around for dinner at oor new hoose the other night. Graeme and v. pregnant Jenni (whom we met at the Rock Ness concert last year) and David from Jock's work and his wife Victoria. It's really lovely having friends in a new country. I feel like this is becoming my new home. :)

Here's our neice Hayley all grown up reading a book. I miss her terribly. And at the other end of the spectrum, I phoned 94 year old Grannie Sinclair the other day, who was chewing a sweetie and couldn't talk. I suggested rather than call her back, that I would do some talking for a change. She agreed this was a good idea, then preceded to talk about "That bally neep Tony Blair" with a mouth full of caramel toffee.

And finally, our friend and Jock's best man Fiona arrives today from exotic Europe. I'm cooking her haggis for tea.

Going for Broke

2007-05-02T00:58:00.000-07:00

The Scottish elections are on, and for the first time since the early nineties, I have not done any door knocking, leaflet folding, press releases, radio interviews..... nothing, to ensure a maximum vote for the Labo(u)r Party. It's been bizarre being a bystander. In a country where it's not compulsory to vote, it would be easy to just let the elections slip by unnoticed. Apart from the odd sandwich board attached to light poles (very guild election-esq) if you didn't read newspapers or watch TV (and we don't - we haven't paid for the TV licence and Jock has banned TV in oor hoose) you wouldn't know that tomorrow, Scotland will most likely be setting on a new and highly dangerous voyage, with the SNP at the tiller.

The Scottish National Party has jumped on the mood of Scots who are well pissed orf with the Iraq war and so, there's no distinction between the Westminster and Scottish Labour Party who have their wellies firmly stuck in the same Baghdad quagmire. Worse, the SNP are using the logo "It's Time" (how dare they!) to get over the hill to Holyrood.

So, tomorrow I shall cast a vote in an election I have simply watched, and hopefully, the Nats won't succeed and Labour will continue to rool the roost at Holyrood. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

(pic: I took this with my phone when I visited a UPS depot yesterday...)

Meet Priscilla

2007-04-23T03:31:00.000-07:00

Priscilla enjoys having friends round for tea, especially when party plans are involved. Her favourite party plans are Nutrimetics, Tupperware and Avon. Priscilla recommends the Sky Blue Island Dream Avon compact and the tupperware containers with airtight lids, perfect for keeping her favourite whey products, such as New Whey, No Whey and Whey Out, fresh for the next competition. If Priscilla runs out of No Whey, she finds Nutrimetic's Apricot & Avocado Facial Scrub with Wheatgerm is a good whey protein substitute.

Priscilla is shy, so is looking for a partner with a similar interest in immediate muscle and vascular enlargement but with no meta-fusion on the first date. With Priscilla's busy life, sometimes she doesn't have time for a man, so turns to NO-Xplode - the world's first and only pre-workout supplement that produces immediate results in energy, size, strength, pumps, performance, mental focus and training intensity...

Priscilla says: "I love competition and want to share it with someone special in my life. I love being put on the spot by the judges and asking to pose in different positions to show off my muscles. This pic shows me posing as a TV antennae, but I later found out that the judges were asking me to point to where my brain is, so as you can see, I'm smart."

Living the Ikea dream

2007-04-23T03:26:00.000-07:00

I promise I'll put some pics of oor new hoose on the web soon, but it's difficult without the internet. So in the meantime...enjoy this pic!

Happy Days

2007-04-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

As that previous entry was a bit grim, I thought I'd share that happy days are ahead due to the lovely new flat that Jock and I have moved into.

It has meant though, that blogging has become difficult because we are internetless, due to the fact we live in Great Bureaucratian. I tried to keep blogging by begging my ISP to cut the red tape and blag my way through a series of lies to keep the blog going, but I wasn't able to convince them to switch us over in less than ten days. Clearly, going down to the telephone exchange and swapping the wires for a phone that's moved upstairs is way too hard...

Anyway, the weather is getting warmer and the days lighter and while my local lunch bar at work hasn't gone as far as a sun dried tomato or olive pesto in the lunch menu, they have put a notice up saying the daily soup choice will be going from 3 down to one because of the impending warmer weather. Happy days are indeed ahead.

If only every day was a Joni and Chatchi moment......

Troops out NOW!

2007-04-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

I can't see the violence in Iraq ending any time soon, even with the "surge" in troop numbers. Today, 127 people were killed in car bomb attacks, probably with countless others injured so badly that they will be forced begging on the streets, because no doubt there's not a welfare system in place.

I can't see any other option but for all troops to be taken out immediately and let the poeple of Iraq have their civil war. How dare we decide that the best form of democracy is to blast the shit out of the country to force the deposition of the despot, cry freedom and then not implement a follow-up strategy that would see all aspects of the community involved.

Instead, we have retribution, corruption and trigger happy leaders of freedom loving nations.

What was the alternative? We should have done nothing, and let the Iraqi people decide their fate. They could have either had a bloody war or a peaceful democratic movement to dispose Saddam. We're really good at doing nothing in Zimbabwe and Burma, to name two. Oh and Pakistan, where they are nuclear and run by an unelected military government, but they've been helping get rid of the Tora Bora tunnels hiding Taliban, (which the CIA help build by the way), so that's okay.

I know I sound a bit like someone standing on a street corner trying to sell the Green Left Weekly or the Morning Star, but this is how I feel, and readers of this blog, so mote it be, will know that I am torn about this dreadful bloody mess in Iraq, this mess that my home country and adopted country are both involved in.....rendering citizen me part of it.

How to run a Chinese restaurant in Scotland

2007-04-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

You will need:
1 small space with a toilet down the stairs or through the kitchen
A kitchen
Some tables and chairs and forks and spoons. No need for chop sticks as nothing will be served in a bowl.
A jar of bright pink MSG sauce
A jar of bright yellow MSG sauce
A jar of peanut butter coloured glug which you shall call "satay"
One deep fryer

One large deep fryer
A chicken
A pig
Some English root vegetables finely chopped.

Now, all you need to do is fry the chook and the pig ,(if you're not certain the small deep fryer is for the chicken), add whichever coloured sauce you prefer and bung in a carrot and an onion. No need for bok choy or chilli - that's foreign muck.

There was no need for a doggy bag once we had finished.....

(Pic: Chicken with Bright Pink MSG Sauce)

Glasto Glasto bloody Glasto

2007-04-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

Glastonbury 2007 - 450,000 people registered for tickets, and 137,000 get to go. This meant setting up a well tuned machine to get tickets on the net, which included Jock and myself, Shane, Jeannie in Belgium and Michael in Sydney on internet and phones. I don't understand how Jeannie managed to get through when she lives twenty metres below sea level and miles away from London. And at 9 months pregnant. Anyway, LEGEND springs to mind, because many of my friends weren't able to get tickets and we certainly had no luck here. So, Jeannie was able to purchase the tickets and we are going to the world's greatest music festival in June.

This is what this UK adventure is all about. I think by the end of 07 I will be festivaled out and it will be time to take on new pursuits such as hiring a canal boat in France and going to the Venice Biennale in 09.

We move into our new hoose tomorrow. How excitement! A wee place of oor ain!

Sunny Saturday Arvo

2007-03-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

Our friend Shane is here from London. Lucky Scotland turned on the weather - it's been beautifully clear and sunny. We visited Glasgow Green, the People's Palace and the dodgy Barras Markets. On the way hame, I bought a McSweeney haggis from Peckhams and walked doon tha street wi' it. It was kind of in the shape of a fat discus, and fitted neatly in my hand. If someone were to piss me off, I could have easily chucked it at them. That image then made me laugh most of the way home, until I bought some leeks at the fruit and veg stall and acquired a shopping bag, so the haggis in hand was no more.

Glasgow Green, The People's Palace and a fountain with Queen Vicky on it.

Yo! Bro! Happy 25th Birthday

2007-03-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my little brother is 25. I was 25 once.

In a tribute to my little bro, and the fact that I can't be there to share his quarter of a century milestone, I have arranged for my friends Jim-Bob-Jimbo and Mary-Betty-Lou-Betty to sing Dave a song...

Angel

2007-03-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

Angel likes walks along the beach, quiet nights at home and steak on her cornflakes in the morning.

Angel's perfect date would be a dinner by the fire with a vintage bottle of protein shake and sharing the sheepskin rug with that special someone whilst listening to Barbra Streisand records.

Angel is not related to Barbra Streisand.

You can see more of Angel's friends by clicking here.

I'm still in London still

2007-03-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

I took out a million pounds from the ATM and it's all gone. I have nothing to show for it except a sore head from part-taying and vague memories of a taxi ride back to the hotel in the middle of the night, about 6am actually.

It would have been 5am but daylight saving has kicked in, and distant memories of the sun barely getting above the skyline in Dark December have been replaced by Twilight Nights with G'n'Ts (with lime of course). Roll on summer!

I love a good London party. Always so many interesting people from around the globe. I met people in TV and films. They all seemed to know Jude Law. I had to look him up on google to remind me of what he looks like. I'm not very good with celebtocracy, much to the amusement of the telly crowd at the party.

Well, right back at ya idiot box people, you weren't very good with capacity building and education as a means of economic freedom.....It's always a pleasure to talk stuff with others. I love it!

I'm in London Still....

2007-03-23T02:23:00.000-07:00

I'm hanging out at the T&G in London and lucky me, it just so happened that the fantabulous Helen Creed was in town at the same time. We were able to find the most ordinary indian restaurant in London and when you converted the cost of the meal to aussie dollars, one piece of pakora was like twenty bucks.

It was great to talk to Helen about the union and labour movement. The T&G membership has just voted to have a merger with Amicus, so together, we will form Britain's largest union. The thing is, we want to form Britain's largest organising and growing union, not servicing and declining union. Amicus aint that sold on organising, and I'm sure there are people who think the merger is going to address the decline. I did some research yesterday and found that over 6 years, the total loss of membership when both unions are looked at is 426,000 members. If you take the T&G loss out, the total Amicus loss (which includes lots of mergers of smaller unions) is 353,000 members. A very stark indication that mergers don't stop the decline.

We are at the foothills of a very large mountain in order to turn around the decline. And as Michael Crosby says, if a Tory government comes in to power and UK unions aren't organising, there will be ramifications felt around the world. It will take generations of working people to turn around the decline and stop the exploitation of marginalised workers.

So, there are days when my organisation drives me bonkers and I want to run to an easier job, but there are other days, like yesterday when I caught up with Helen Creed, where I think of the challenge ahead and just as Rosie the Riveter says..... We can do it!

The Chavs and the Chav Knots

2007-03-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

In a tribute to weddings, given my sister Jude and her beau Trevor are gettin' hitched (congratulations!!), here is how the chavs tie the knot.....I'm certain that Jude and Trev won't resemble this at all. I'm just using their engagement as the segue.

1. ooohh, here comes the bride, with her da, who looks a little bit like a cross between Bill Kelty and Les Patterson.
2. doesn't the groom look chuffed (is that a shot gun under her dress?)
3. is that Princess Bea and Princess Eugenie???? I knew their mum was chav all along
4. they breed....and they all wear hats.
5. I want the green one.
6. and you thought the bride looked ridiculous.....

For more pics of this wedding, click here

Four Years Ago Today

2007-03-20T00:50:00.000-07:00

Australia, the UK and the US, among others, went to war with Iraq..... I still feel numb. I feel like the war is history actually, like it's already happened and is no longer in the forefront of my mind. Lest we forget. And somehow we always do, and so the war continues.

Faithless: The Concert

2007-03-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

Just got home from the Faithless concert. We've seen them before at Metropolis, but this time it was at the Glasgow entertainment centre with a lot more people. Faithless ROCK. They are my ultimate favourite live band. Their music and lyrics are just so engaging and can get you high without the need for additives or preservatives. I love the fact that their percussionist has a zillion pieces of equipment. And Maxi is like a god on stage. On Myspace they have "21248 billion friends".

I'm going to bed now....it's a school night and I'm tired. It's been a big weekend which included a trip to Edinburgh to see Pendulum (we're officially now groupies), a trip to Ikea (we only bought glasses to replace ones we broke and some elderflower cordial), snow, apple pie for dinner on Saturday night (and that was it - a well balanced meal don't you think?) and of course the Faithless concert. Next week I'm in London, then the following weekend it's a visit from our mate Shane, then it's Eastbourne for work, then a car trip to Wales during Easter and then sometime in August I think I have a free weekend.

Life's busy. Love ali

PS - somehow amidst all this gallivanting, we bought the flat upstairs.

Neo Con Fashion at the Night Club

2007-03-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

I'm really concerned about fashion. We were at a gig on Friday night and it just happened to be at the Edinburgh University student union. I don't think the boys who wear their troosers lower than their underdaks realise where the fashion came from.

When African Americans went to prison, their belts were taken from them, so their pants hung below their undies. When they came out of prison, they continued to wear their pants this way as a badge of honour of being in the clink. Now, young men spend heaps of dosh to wear their underdaks above their jeans, with the must-have Calvin Klein, Dolce & Gabanna, Tommy Hilfinger...etc at $50 bucks a pop. Ridiculous. There were guys dancing with their daks lower than their bum cheeks.

Which at least are covered in expensive undies, unlike the chicks who wear their jeans so low you can park your bike in their crack. I thought feminists won this argument with council workers in the '70s.

Then, and much worse, there were lots of people of both sexes wearing scarves around their necks resembling the Islamic men's head dress with the black and white checks. Now, the story from this one goes that American soldiers take them back to their kids as a trinket from a dead Iraqi that they've killed...and so the kids are wearing them.

Has fashion always been this way? Is this fashion a sign of the new conservative times? I read today that John Howard has Generation Y thinking he's the man in the age of new conservatism. These same underdak over daks wearers, along with their checkered scarves, will be the same ones who wave the aussie flag with "support the flag or fuck off" written on it and think that this age of prosperity we live in will last forever.

Maybe I'm too old to go to nightclubs. God, I'm turning into a grumpy old man.

It's quiz time!

2007-03-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

NEW! On Invisible Inkblot! It's the fantastically fun neeeeeewwwwwww Quiz! This week's quiz question is:

Is George Bush as smart as a Bonobo Chimpanzee?

Bush says:
"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position."

The Chimpanzee says (spoken on behalf of Wikipedia)

"One early attempt was performed by Allen and Beatrice Gardner in the 1960s, in which they spent 51 months attempting to teach a chimpanzee named Washoe American Sign Language. Washoe learned 151 signs in those 51 months. Over a longer period of time, Washoe learned over 800 signs. However, there is still debate among some scientists about the great apes' ability to learn language (in reference to George Bush's ability).